Needs of the Body and Soul
by Wedjatqi
Summary: AU. Conversion based fic, ignoring the cannon ending. Major J/T. Set in early Season 4, but with Beckett having survived. COMPLETE.
1. Cycles

**Summary:** This takes place in an **AU** world following the episode Conversion, ignoring the cannon end of that episode. Set in early season 4, but with Beckett having survived. Major J/T.

**Warnings**: Contains discussion of reproductive biology (the kind as you may read in a text book) if you don't like hearing about that kind of thing, stay clear.

**Spoilers**: Conversion and possibly thereafter through the seasons. No real season 4 spoilers.

**Note:** I am not an expert in the biological subjects mentioned herein, so please do not judge me too harshly! I know there have been many similar conversion-altered John stories out there, so I apologise for my lack of originality – but is there really such a thing in scifi and fanfic? Thanks to Gater101 for starting me on this fic – it's all your fault!!

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. I only love this world so much I wish to play in it as much as I can and bend it to my Will in my own unique twisted way.

--

Doctor Carson Beckett reached for his coffee once again. He was relying on it far too much tonight, but then he realised that could be said for any day since he had arrived in Atlantis. He gulped down the last few dregs and leant back over his desk to study the computer screen.

"Doc?" The voice was soft and slightly cautious. A tone all Doctors knew well. Someone had a problem they were embarrassed about.

Carson looked up through the late dim lighting of the Infirmary to see one of his more interesting of patients, colleagues and friends. Colonel John Sheppard stood in the doorway, hands buried in the pockets of his uniform.

"Hallo, Colonel. How can I help?"

The Colonel edged further into the infirmary seeming unwilling to disturb him.

"I'm bluer." The Colonel finally answered as he came to a stop near the doctor.

"And ye want me to cheer you up?" Carson joked as he stood.

Sheppard gave him a sarcastic smile and moved with Carson further into the empty Infirmary. He hoped up onto the edge of the bed as Carson came to stand before him.

"Ye are as well." Carson remarked studying the brighter areas of blue skin that lined the Colonel's eyebrows, temples and neck. The conversion the Colonel had undergone over a year ago though reversed for the most part had left him with a few slight alterations. Carson and other experts were happy that the retrovirus was gone from the Colonel's system, but that perhaps its affects had insinuated itself into certain areas of his genetic structure beyond the ability to completely untangle them. They hadn't been worried as the suspected remaining few genes still being expressed had been limited to the unused areas of Junk DNA that all creatures carry in their genetic structure.

However, the genes that resulted in the blue shades to certain areas of Colonel Sheppard's skin had continued to be expressed even now so many months later. Carson's current theory was that these genes were linked in some part to the ancestry of human evolution and that they remained because they had always been there and the retrovirus had activated them. He was currently writing a paper on his theories, knowing full well it may never be seen by any orthodox scientists.

The still active genes did not adversely affect the Colonel in the slightest, other than the colouring, in fact he still had a slight increase in agility and his mental use of the Ancient technology had vastly improved. And Carson had heard several women remarking that the changes had only made the handsome Colonel even more attractive. Not that the Colonel would agree, his attitude towards it was reluctant acceptance. He hated that he would remain in some way marked by the whole 'Bug' situation. He hated to speak about his new appearance, telling outsiders and people back home on Earth the markings were tattoos. It was only with Carson that Sheppard felt comfortable enough to talk about his new appearance.

Carson now studied the blue areas of John's face and neck, pressing questing fingers gently against them. "The areas seem larger to me as well." He remarked and the Colonel nodded his agreement. "There doesn't appear to be any thickening of the skin. No indication of a relapse." He noted out loud, knowing the possibility was a recurring worry of the Colonel's. "How long as it been this way?"

"It's not the first time, Doc." John reported.

Carson stood back, an eyebrow raised.

"It seems to be a… monthly thing." John replied, and Carson was surprised to see a slight redness to his cheeks.

Carson pulled up a chair and sat. "There's a cycle to it?" Thinking back over the past months he could vaguely remember thinking the colours of John's skin were brighter occasionally, but he hadn't thought further about it.

"Yep, seems so. I ignored it for a while, as it goes back after a week or so, but I have realised it appears to happen every month now. And over the last few months the colouring is getting slightly brighter each month." His voice was soft in the late night Infirmary. The Colonel was a very private man and dealing with this was not easy for him.

Carson worked to not make a joke, something the Colonel would normally enjoy. "Have you noticed anything else when this occurs? Mood swings? Anything like that?"

John finally gave him a more usual glare. "No, Doc, it's not that. Though, I have noticed I have more energy and that smells and things seem more intense."

"Mmmmm. Interesting." Carson sat back an idea occurring. "I think it may help if we spoke with another specialist."

"Who?"

"Doctor Bays."

He watched as John struggled to place the name before realisation hit him. "The vet guy?!"

"Doctor Bays is a specialist in all forms of animal life. He's been studying some particularly interesting creatures on several worlds. I think his knowledge of animals and particularly reptilian and insect life could be helpful here."

The Colonel looked down and sighed. "I can't believe you want me to go to a Vet!"

"No, no. I just think his more extensive knowledge may help us. He has done a lot of study on the Wraith, including the Iratus Bug. I think he may be able to help us."

John considered it for awhile. "Okay, but you tell no one about this. I mean it!"

"I promise, Colonel." Carson worked not to laugh. It was difficult, especially as the Colonel looked rather like a forlorn puppy right now; a blue forlorn puppy.

--

Doctor Bays sat back, a finger pressed to his chin. "Mmmmmm. Interesting."

John rolled his eyes. "That seems to be the consensus."

"And you say you have more energy and your senses are sharper?" Bays asked for clarification. John nodded. "And it happens every month."

Carson leant in. "All the tests I've run are normal for him, though there is an increase in testosterone in his system."

"Well it obviously implies a sexual cycle of some kind." Bays replied.

John widened his eyes at that, said so casually.

"It is strange though, there isn't usually a male cycle in humans or in Wraith as I have found. In most species a male responds to the female's cycle."

"Excuse me?" John asked, ignoring Carson's struggles to not look amused.

Bays leant further back in his chair, his finger now tapping against his lips. "The female sends out certain signals; whether they be scent or behavioural. The male responds by displaying." His hand came up and waved towards John's head and neck. John felt a blush adding more red into the mix. "The female then selects her choice and mating occurs."

John tried not to grimace at the natural history lesson. "You make me sound like a bird of paradise shaking my tail feathers."

Carson coughed over a laugh, but John smiled over at him. Carson relaxed somewhat. Hell, no adult could usually keep a normal face when discussing this subject matter on a normal day.

"I believe this is something similar." Bays continued. "It happens to a certain degree with humans, though not as obvious as with other creatures such as your birds of paradise."

John looked shocked and Carson jumped in. "T'is true. There is research indicating that whilst women are ovulating, their male partners find them more sexually alluring. Women's features become more symmetrical and attractive, as well as the possibility of pheromone release."

"O-kay." John uttered.

"You did say that you are more sensitive to smells." Bays remarked. "Do you have an increased libido as well?"

John worked to stop the second blush in as many minutes. Perhaps it was a side affect of this reaction. "Kind of, but it dies down after a day or so." He admitted reluctantly. He refrained from mentioning the steamy, needy dreams that plagued him for the whole week.

"It makes sense then." Bays remarked with a flourish. "However," he frowned in concentration, "that doesn't quite track; as I understand it Doctor Beckett the female military staff here are on the contraceptive pill?"

Carson nodded seeing where this was leading. "Ai they are, which means they do not have a cycle. However, not all the women on this base are military personnel. And the Colonel has regular contact with off-worlders."

John looked from Carson to Bays and began to worry this was heading towards the same conclusion he had already suspected.

Bays continued to frown. "But, the Colonel is experiencing this as a clear monthly cycle. If he were being influenced by any and all females that came near him whilst ovulating-"

"Can you stop using that word, please?" John cut in.

Bays looked up at him and frowned further, the crease cutting deeply down the centre of his forehead. "Alright, any female who was near you during the correct time would affect you. That would mean you would likely to be constantly reacting to all of them and having this reaction much more often."

Both Carson and Bays looked up at him expectantly. John looked away sheepishly, realising that his own theory had indeed been correct. He waited for the Doctor to say it out loud.

"So, that would indicate there is only one female on the base to whom you are reacting." Bays concluded out loud.

Damn it.

--

TBC


	2. Inertia

--

The land before her was empty and devoid of life; destroyed and abandoned.

Teyla stepped out onto the caked broken soil, feeling it resist and then crack away under the naked sole of her foot. Her other bare foot came forward and pressed down on the blackened soil, which transformed into soft grass beneath her toes. Around her the dead world came alive once again into the vast grasslands and tall forests of Old Athos once again. A gentle breeze danced around her flowing dress and through her long hair. She smiled at the feel of the long tresses against her back; long curls she had cut away long ago. The land was vibrant and lush around her, too much so, perhaps animated by happy memories of childhood and adult nostalgia. But, that was the way of dreaming she mused.

She turned towards the warm sun that spread its dawning light across the grassland before her. Her eyes focusing into the far distance looking towards the mountains that lined the distant horizon. She stretched her mind out towards the far horizon and felt the touch; the vague sensation of another consciousness, familiar now in its presence in her dreams and meditations. It was distant today, as it usually was.

She could not clearly remember when this presence had first appeared; so subtle was its touch. It had been during one deep nights' dreaming many months ago that she had first become aware of it. At first she had feared it to be a Wraith invading or testing her mind. But, had quickly realised it felt nothing like a Wraith mind; which were cold, dark and invasive. This was like a warm gentle sound in the far distance that you weren't even sure you had even heard. It hovered just on the boundaries of what she could feel and sense, but she was certain there was a consciousness there.

She had wondered who or what this presence could be; a long lost spirit visiting her? A family member? A Guardian of some kind? Or could it even be one of the Ancestors?

Tonight in her dream she reached out her mind towards the presence again. It felt warm and comforting and familiar in some way. She wondered if it had always been there protecting her, or watching over her?

When the small group of Ancestors had returned to Atlantis and took occupation, she had almost hoped to recognise the presence among their number, but she had not. And the presence had faded almost completely from her mind for those few months on New Athos. It had been once she had returned to Atlantis, once everyone had returned from Earth and the Replicators defeated, that the presence reappeared once again. That made her wonder if the presence was linked to the City of Atlantis in some way, as it was always stronger there than when she visited her people on New Athos. Since that return to Atlantis the presence had begun to grow stronger, still as light and vague as ever, but closer now.

In the dream a bird began to circle high in the sky above Teyla and she imagined the presence, like that creature, drifting lightly through currents she could not name near the horizon. But very occasionally it would draw near enough for her to hear more of its call.

It had been only a couple of months ago that the presence had drifted close enough that she could almost touch it. She had not expected what she had sensed there; a deep primal call to her, full of love, but also of desire. She had woken panting from that dream; her body tingling, a light sweat over her skin. That had led her to a new theory as who the presence may have been.

She had visited New Athos as soon as possible, moving towards Kanaan's tent with curiosity and excitement. After all they both had the Gift and perhaps that meant they could link their minds? He had emerged from the tent surprised, but happy to see her. As he had reached for her physically, she had reached out with her mind; and had felt nothing. She had barely been able to hide her disappointment from her friend and lover.

Teyla had not told him about the presence, had told no one. She was not sure why she kept it secret, but then it may not even be real she had considered. Perhaps this presence was simply an aspect of her own consciousness or dream world. Whatever its source; she would continue to secretly delight in its companionship, and occasionally in its passion.

Tonight she reached out her mind to the warm presence once again. It brushed against the edges of her consciousness and then began to fade further into the distance. The bird circled far above her one last time before it flew off towards the horizon. She watched it until it was too distant for her to follow, as it flew beyond the tall mountains back to wherever it called home.

--

John opened his eyes and looked around at his alarm clock. As usual he had woken just prior to the alarm. He reached out and switched it off before it could alert him with its irritating call. He had slept well; feeling refreshed and more relaxed this morning. His dreams had been vague and undefined, not the tumultuous sexual dreams of the past week.

He stretched his arms over his head as he climbed out of bed and crossed his room towards the small washroom. As he entered the small space the shower snapped on, activated by his almost unconscious mental command. One of the perks of the conversion he had undergone was the extreme ease by which he could control Ancient technology now. That, and admittedly being able to give Teyla and Ronon a real run for their money whilst sparing was another great bonus.

He stripped off his shirt and boxers and stepped into the warm water. As he soaped himself down his eyes fell to the blue patches of his skin. The areas of bright blue were still not down to their usual size and hue, but they were reducing. He looked over each area; twisting around as best he could to see the back and side of his ribcage, now striped with blue. The blue areas were mostly limited to the places on his body that had less flesh over bone; his feet, knees, hip bones, ribs, spine, elbows, hands, collarbone and his face. What had been thick bands of bright, almost sparkling blue this week, were all now slimming and dimming in colour back to the usual thin stripes that he normally sported.

Clean and now completely awake he deactivated the shower, stepped out and regarded himself in the mirror. He turned his head this way and that, studying the blue across his eyebrows and temples, then following them down the sides of his face and neck. It was definitely getting less, but it normally returned to normal within a week. It was taking longer this month.

His morning inspection over, he was happy at least that for now the blue was reducing. Over the last week he had been subjected to Carson and Doctor Bays' curious tests, scans, questions and theories. He was glad things could return to normal; or as normal as anything was in his life. At least normal for a few weeks that is, until next month's reaction began again. Would that be even longer and more intense again?

He sighed and allowed his mind to turn to her. He had managed not to reveal her name to either of the doctors, but he suspected Carson had already worked it out. He had put up with the tests as he hoped they may result in a way of ending these monthly reactions of his. Something he oddly still had mixed feelings about now he was undergoing the tests. Both doctors had suggested this reaction was normal for him now, so should he suppress it? He didn't really want to be on medication for the rest of his life over it. It was only that the reactions had been getting more intense that had driven him to seek medical help. To combat that deep fear that the retrovirus may, against all medical predictions, some how return. He couldn't turn into that Bug creature again. So, it was that fear that really underpinned why he was undergoing the poking and prodding again. He had arrived at his own theory a couple of months ago that she was somehow involved.

The reactions had first begun not long after he was released from the Infirmary after the conversion was reversed over a year ago. Then the markings had only slightly changed each month, and since he had no prior standard by which to judge his new look, he had ignored it. Over the passing months he had begun to notice a vague pattern, but again it was nothing that he considered bothersome. Then they had picked up that group of Ancients, which led to them having to abandon Atlantis. Back home on Earth the reactions had stopped completely. It took him a couple of months to even notice, as busy as he had been in his new job with the SGC. Then they had returned to Atlantis once the Replicators were defeated, and the reactions had begun again. So, he had put it down to a 'Pegasus Galaxy thing'. However, from after that the reactions had begun to grow in intensity each month and the dreams that accompanied them had gotten uncomfortable.

It had been one event that had brought it all together in his mind; in which he made the links that led him to the same conclusion; it was due to her.

The team had had a week's break from off world missions whilst Teyla spent some time on New Athos, Rodney on some vital experiment and him to catch up on paperwork. Nearing the end of the week he had been bored beyond all measure, especially as two of the team were not available to watch movies with, eat meals alongside or just to talk with. He hadn't realised how much he enjoyed and relied on his team members, his friends, to enrich his life.

So, when the small team were leaving to make the trading exchanges with New Athos he went along. They were delivering the latest medical supplies and weapons for the Athosians, whilst in return Atlantis received various fruits, vegetables and grains. And Teyla was due to come back with the supplies. So, he had volunteered, helping to carry the heavy boxes through the Stargate and up towards the closest Athosian camp.

Halling had greeted them as warmly as ever having laid out the bags of food supplies for Atlantis. John had been talking with him and several others over a mug of hot tea when he had spied her in the distance. She emerged from a tent, a soft smile on her lips. A tall dark man followed her out, her bag in his hand. It had been that tiny detail that had drawn his eye more than anything. Teyla never allowed anyone else to carry her things, unless she was injured. The man placed her bag down and had looked at Teyla with a look that made John's skin begin to crawl. Then she had leant in and they embraced and kissed. Not a simple good bye kiss, but one that spoke of the hours of time they had spent together. Long late night hours probably in that tent they had just exited.

A sudden and violent churning of emotion had made John tear his eyes from them. Something deep inside seemed to break, his pulse raced and a variety of unbidden thoughts and emotions fled through him. Pushing them aside with strict military control he turned back to find Teyla approaching him, her bag slung over her shoulder and a bright smile on her face. He couldn't help but smile back, as pleased as ever to see her, despite the newly revealed emotions in his chest.

She had smiled up at him with an unabashed delighted expression; she was pleased to see him there. The fading days' light had glinted off her hair and lit her smiling eyes and his breath had almost been sucked from his body. She looked so beautiful and happy. As she placed her bag down beside him and said her farewells to Halling he had caught the faint earthy scent of her, which had seemed more intense and exotic than ever to him.

On the way back to the Stargate they made small talk, catching up on the past weeks' news. Only once they fell into their usual companionable silence did he ask her about the man he had seen her with. He didn't really want to know, yet he had to ask.

"So who was that guy I saw you with?" He asked, embarrassed at himself for the blunt question.

She hadn't seemed offended, though she had ducked her eyes from his view as she answered. "His name is Kanaan. We grew up together."

"You two seem pretty close now." He had replied, once again amazed at the forwardness of his own questions. Something inside was driving this need to know about this man.

"Yes." She had answered briefly and he took the hint to stop asking questions.

They had lapsed back into silence, broken only by their arrival at the Stargate. He didn't know what else to say, but what was there to say? She had found someone to be with. Why was that such a problem? If course he knew why. Knew by the twisting grip of jealousy he had felt when he had seen them together. He had always been attracted to her, and cared deeply for her well being. She was perhaps one of the closest friends he had ever had, but he had not realised how far that admiration and attraction had progressed. What he had felt that day had been far more powerful than simple attraction and its consequential jealousy. He had felt angry and hurt in a very confusing and upsetting mixture. And, his skin had tingled all the way back to the Stargate.

It was a couple of hours later that he had glanced in the washroom mirror and seen the change to his appearance. The blue areas were considerably larger and brighter than before. Shocked he had trailed his fingers down the blues sides of his throat; his skin had been normal before he had left for New Athos. He had remembered then the very vital response he had felt to Teyla as she had approached him, the almost violent emotions of jealousy and the tingling of his skin afterwards. Which had led him to finally put all the pieces together into a surprising conclusion. The reactions, could they really be due to Teyla?

Over the last few months since then the reactions and the dreams had been getting even stronger. And the monthly cycle had become vividly clear to him. And so here he was, hoping the doctors could help him, for if they couldn't he wasn't sure what would happen. Each month he reacted more strongly, and in his dreams he wanted her with an ever growing need. What if it all just keeps getting worse, would he eventually look like a smurf each month? Would he end up trying to maul her again as he had done in the gym during his Bug change? He didn't ever want to do that to her again, he couldn't bare to let it get that bad. He had tried to spend less time with her on those 'times of the month', but it had actually made it worse. Being with her seemed to help physically, but emotionally he was getting worn down.

Something needed to change, and soon.

--

TBC


	3. Options

**Warning:** A little more of that text book reproductive medicinal talk.

--

Teyla glanced over at the empty seat beside her and tried not to worry. He was just late for breakfast that was all. Opposite her Rodney and Ronon battled back and forth, teasing each other and both were obviously thoroughly enjoying the heated exchange. She did not listen to the words instead looking over her shoulder once again towards to Mess Hall entrance and was greeted by the sight of John Sheppard approaching with his tray of food.

He settled down in his customary place beside her and he smiled briefly in greeting to them all. He appeared more relaxed this morning, the previous weeks' tension and sullen mood appeared to have gone. Her eyes dropped to the blue sides of his throat. The shiny blue tones were paler today and once again she worried over his health. He turned towards her, feeling her attention. They shared a quick polite smile and he turned back to his food. He was a very private man, which she could understand being that way inclined herself, but she wished he would share with them more; share more with her.

She turned back to her food, trying to ignore the feelings of rejection and disappointment that John had a tendency to invoke in her lately. She should not be thinking such thoughts, but she worried about him. It wasn't that there was anything she could put a finger on, but she knew something was wrong. For awhile he had distanced himself and she had felt saddened by the withdrawn way in which he spoke to her. She had feared she had done something to anger him, or insult him, but if she brought up the subject he had brushed it aside. He had made more of an effort since then, spending just as much, if not more time with her than ever. She loved that time, but still there was a strange sense of tension now, that left her feeling oddly rejected. The way he looked at her had changed. It wasn't that he avoided eye contact, but it was…briefer and less intense than it had used to be. And some part of her felt saddened by this new turn to their relationship.

She looked at him sitting beside her once again; looking for those subtle indications that may clue her into what was wrong. Again her gaze was drawn to the blue tinges to his skin. She would admit she found them pleasing and that lately she had noticed that the blue had become brighter and she felt oddly sad to see it had reduced on his skin now. It was an odd thought to have, but it was there. Frowning she worried over him once again; was he alright?

"Yeah, I thought he looked better too." Rodney suddenly said to her, and she looked round to find Rodney indicating John's neck with his piece of toast.

John looked round at her, and she cringed at the embarrassment she had inadvertently caused him. His eyes momentarily locked with hers and she saw a strange mix of emotions revealed in their depths, before he dropped his eyes away and up to Rodney.

"I don't know what you mean, Rodney." John stated.

Rodney obviously didn't hear the undertone to John's words. "We're just glad to see you are back to your normal self. No more Mr Grumpy."

"Rodney!" Teyla admonished him.

"Mr Grumpy?" John asked.

Teyla decided to try and diffuse this before Rodney said anything that may further embarrass John. "He meant nothing by that, John. No one has been calling you that." She laid a hand on his forearm, feeling the muscles tense under her touch. "We were only concerned that you appeared to be particularly tense this past week."

"That and the new look..." Rodney added, but trailed off before he said anything else finally noticing the glare Teyla had turned on him.

"I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. It's just been a tough week that's all." John said, his tone lighter, but Teyla could still feel the tension to his body where her fingers still lay against his forearm.

"But, you've been having all those tests by Doctor Bays." Rodney uttered quietly.

John's body language changed immediately and he pulled his arm out from under Teyla's touch. His body and expression became rigid and defensive. "Where did you hear that?" John demanded.

Rodney seemed to shrink into his chair under the now very aggressive stare of the Colonel. "A friend of Katie's works in his lab. She said he was putting a lot of his time into working with you and Carson."

John remained ramrod straight in his chair.

"Rodney is only concerned for you John, we all are." Teyla tried to calm the situation.

He seemed to relax somewhat to that, his expression softening. "I'm fine. It's just a check-up. Just further research and all that."

Teyla nodded, as did the others, all aware that John was not sharing everything. The three of them were worried, yet respectful of John's privacy. They all knew he didn't like to discuss the changes he had undergone last year. Yet, she wished he would speak with them. They usually shared most things between them, but John had begun to step into himself more and his moods these past two months or so had been getting darker and more sullen. But, she knew John; he would only share when he was ready. For now she could only hope and pray these tests could help him.

--

John strode into Doctor Bays' lab angry and embarrassed. The two technicians who were unfortunate enough to be on duty all but dissolved into the floor away from his furious presence.

"Where is Doctor Bays?" He practically shouted at them.

One managed to stutter a reply and pointed towards a closed door. John stomped towards it, the door sliding open to his mental command. He didn't care that he may be invading the Doc's privacy; turn around was fair play. Bays looked up in surprise as John entered.

"Colonel Sheppard. I'm sorry did we have an appointment today?"

"Why is it that Rodney knows about the tests you've been conducting on me?" He demanded, once the door slid shut behind him.

Bays sat back in his chair, looking rather nervous. "I'm sorry?"

"Doctor McKay. He knew about you being involved in my tests. I asked that this all be kept secret." John stabbed his blue tinted index finger towards Bays with each word, barely controlling the fury inside. He was aware on some level he was reacting a little too dramatically, but right now he didn't care. She had been sitting right there!

Bays stood up quickly, his palms out. "Colonel Sheppard I assure you I have not discussed your medical situation with anyone. I would never do that."

John backed up away from the desk, aware that he had frightened the Doctor more than he had intended. The reaction each month had a tendency to make him more aggressive; due to the extra testosterone in his system the doctors said. The flood of anger began to fade as he took in the Doctor's pale worried expression.

"Sorry, Doc. It's just this is a private matter. I need you to make sure you don't inadvertently start any gossip. Have you been getting your people to do research for you?"

Bays looked more relaxed now himself, but John noticed he was keeping the desk between them still. "No, absolutely not, Colonel. I may have mentioned that I was working with Doctor Beckett, but I will make sure I do not even say that much in the future."

John nodded. "Okay. Just make sure you don't leave some research lying around or anything."

"No, I haven't and I won't. I promise you, Colonel." Bays replied emphatically.

"Okay." John took a calming breath. It would be okay. "I'm sorry about shouting at you Doc." He offered.

"That's fine, Colonel. I'm not used to dealing with confidentiality in my line of work, so it's a good reminder." He took his seat once again. "I have just finished looking at the latest results if you're interested."

John's eyes fell to the folder on Bays' desk. "My results?"

Bays nodded and indicated the chair beside John. John sat now nervous. "So, you and Beckett come up with anything useful?"

Bays interlaced his fingers over the report and looked straight at John. "Both Doctor Beckett and I agree that you are in excellent health and that there is nothing pathological going on."

John sat back in the chair. "So, what does that mean exactly?"

"It means that these reactions of yours, as far as we can tell, are a natural response. There doesn't appear to be any changes to your genetic code, everything is stable."

"But, these reactions are getting more intense each month. Are you telling me that there is nothing you can do for me?" Worry stirred in his belly.

"No, I am only saying that there is nothing medically wrong with you. And there doesn't appear to be any sign of any changes to you genetically speaking."

"Then why are things getting worse?" John asked.

Bays stood up from his desk, stepping round to John's side of the desk, and sat down in the chair next to John. John sat up in alarm; this couldn't be good.

"Colonel, I am not sure how to ask these questions without embarrassing you and risk making you angry at me again."

"Just ask Doc."

He sat forward towards John, and John realised the doctor was as embarrassed as he was. He felt oddly sorry for the guy and an odd feeling of appreciation for the man.

He was doing all he could to help John.

"If I am to understand, there is this…lady… who you are….reacting to." John nodded. "Am I to assume that you are _not_ in a relationship with her? A sexual relationship I mean."

"No, I'm not." John replied, finally feeling a touch of his usual humour at seeing the Doctor struggle with the subject matter.

"Right, that is what we thought. It make's sense." Bays replied.

John lifted a questioning eyebrow.

"My theory at the moment is that perhaps that is why the reactions are getting worse each month. Imagine if you would a situation where…the birds of paradise you mentioned…imagine if such a male bird did not get the… female attention that he sought, it is possible that during the next mating season he will display more to attract her attention further."

John pondered the thought, not completely new to him, but it was the first time he truly considered it. Another thought also dropped into the mix. "So, in your scenario, how would the presence of another male bird of paradise factor into all this?" John asked as casually as possible.

Bays sat up straighter. "Competition? Yes, that would probably make the situation more heightened."

John nodded; quietly glad he could at least blame Kanaan for some small part. But, it didn't make anything easier. "So, what happens now? I can't ask her to stop seeing him and even if she did, I was having the reactions well before he came onto the scene. Is there nothing you can do?"

"Doctor Beckett has hinted that the identity of your…the lady, may be a factor."

"Why?"

"Well, he hasn't said anything out right, but I get the impression that she has some similarities to your genetic situation."

John considered that. Teyla had the Wraith gene; maybe that was why he was reacting to her and her alone? Was it a purely chemical thing? Nothing to do with confused emotions and such. The possibility was suddenly bright. "Possibly" John replied.

"Then we are going to need to test her." Bays said.

John looked around at him, alarmed. "No, we can't tell her about this."

"We have to Colonel. If we can determine if it is a scent or something, that she emits then it could result in a relatively simple treatment for you."

The possibility of finding a treatment was very appealing, but he couldn't tell Teyla about this! "I really don't want to have to put her through tests and having to burden her with what is _my_ problem. Is there nothing else you could do?"

"Well, there are several other options that both Doctor Beckett and I came up with."

"Great let's hear them."

"First idea is to try some form of hormone therapy." John screwed his face up at that. He didn't want to have to go down the road of long-term medication if he could help it and the Doctors knew that. "Second idea; you could shut yourself away for at least a week and a half each month, making sure you do so before you begin to react."

"That is not feasible, Doctor." John disregarded.

"Third; you could leave Atlantis." John shook his head. "She could leave Atlantis." John shook his head again. "Or the last alternative is that you engage in at least one session of sexual relations with her." John's eyebrows hit his hairline. "The theory being that if you…get the desired response from her even once, it may stop the reactions."

John quickly shut away the mental imagines that threatened to resurface from his dreams. "Let's get her in for those tests."

--

TBC


	4. Embarrassing Conversations

**Warning:** Yet still more of that text book reproductive medicinal talk – it will stop soon I promise!

--

Teyla entered the Infirmary, her gaze seeking out Doctor Beckett and found him sorting through the medicine cabinet.

"Doctor Beckett, you wished to see me?" She asked as she approached, working to keep the worry from of her voice.

Aye, Teyla. Thank you for coming down here so quickly." He replied as he set about locking up the cabinet.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"No, no, nothing like that. We just need your help in a certain private matter." He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and began to guide her towards his office.

"Is there something wrong with one of my people?" She questioned as she allowed him to navigate her towards the private space of his office. It could not be good news if he wanted to speak so privately with her.

"No, love. I have had no such reports. It is someone else who needs your help."

They reached the office, the doors parted to reveal a pacing Colonel Sheppard. Worry about her people was quickly set aside for her renewed worry for John.

"Could you take a seat, Teyla, and I will explain." Beckett offered as he pulled out a chair for her. She sat quickly, her eyes taking in John's nervous and fidgety body language.

"Is everything alright, John?" She asked.

"I'm fine, Teyla. Nothing to panic about." He responded, but his gaze slid quickly to Doctor Beckett, as the two men sat down opposite her.

A pregnant silence filled the air. John and Doctor Beckett exchanged a brief glance, before the Doctor finally sat forward.

"Teyla, we are hoping you may be able to help us." Beckett begun and she nodded hopefully. "You may not have been aware that Colonel Sheppard has been experiencing some…difficulties lately. He is perfectly healthy, but has been experiencing some reactions to an external source, which has resulted in certain changes."

Teyla's eyes turned to John. "To your blue markings?"

"Yes," answered Doctor Beckett as he and John nodded. "It appears that each month the markings grow in size and colour, and he also experiences some mood changes during that time." Her eyes flowed back to John and he tried to smile, but it was obvious he was highly nervous. "Now, we have been conducting various tests as it appears these reactions are growing in intensity with each passing month. We have been attempting to pinpoint what exactly it is to which the Colonel is reacting, so then we can know how to treat him correctly."

Teyla nodded. "I understand. How can I help?"

"Well…" Doctor Beckett looked over at the still silent John, who was now biting on his lower lip. "We believe that in light of the Colonel's changes from last year, that he may be reacting to something Wraith related. Namely…you."

"Me?" Teyla asked confused. She looked over at John once again, but he was now looking down at his shoes.

"Yes, we think it is possible that you are giving out something that the Colonel is reacting to." Beckett replied.

"You think that I am causing these reactions?" She asked again.

"Yes. That due to your unique biology the Colonel is responding to you, every month." Beckett said carefully.

"Every month?" She asked, suddenly realising what the Doctor was suggesting.

"Yes, as you may be aware, there are various changes that occur during a woman's cycle, some of which can be detected by men, especially when women are at their most fertile. We believe that something like that is causing these responses."

Teyla felt the sudden flood of heat to her face. She sat back in shock. She was responsible for all these changes that John had suffered through. He finally looked up from the floor, his cheeks pink and his eyes nervous.

"We need to do only a few simple scans and tests that may help us to understand all this, and to hopefully develop a cure of some such for the Colonel. Would that be alright, Teyla?" Beckett asked.

Teyla briefly looked away from John's awkward expression. "Of course." She replied. "I am so sorry, John."

He frowned at her. "Sorry?! What do you mean? It's hardly your fault. I should be apologising to you for having to put you through all this."

"Neither is it your fault, John. Is this why you have been more distant lately?"

John's eyes danced quickly over to Beckett, before moving back to meet hers. "I didn't want to make a big deal about it. This is my problem and I'm sorry to have to drag you into all this, Teyla."

Behind her the office door slid open and Doctor Bays entered.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were still in a meeting, Doctor Beckett."

"It's no problem, Doctor Bays. Actually we were about to call you. Teyla has agreed to help us out by undergoing some tests."

"Wonderful." Doctor Bays said as he dragged forward another chair, joining in with the circle. Knees bumping with Bays Teyla looked up at see John's amused/annoyed expression. They shared a smile, and she felt considerable relief that he didn't appear to be holding any grudge against her.

"Right, I was hoping to ask you a few questions, if I may?" Doctor Bays asked her.

"Of course." Teyla offered politely. She had had a small amount of contact with the scientist during his visits to New Athos to study the local wildlife.

"First, if you would turn your memory back to after Colonel Sheppard was first released from the Infirmary after his conversion last year. Did you feel any differently towards him then?"

Flashes of the kiss in the Gym were first into her memory and his subsequent apology, but she pushed them aside. That hadn't been John who had kissed her. "No, I felt no differently afterward, only happy that he was returned to us intact."

John gave her a warm smile in response.

"And since then, have you perhaps found Colonel Sheppard more attractive? Perhaps at certain points in your cycle?" Bays continued.

John turned to him in shock and Teyla had to suppress the urge to laugh at John's open mouthed expression. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she contemplated on how to answer that question truthfully. "No change there either. Colonel Sheppard is as handsome now as he ever was." She replied, smiling with amusement at John. He shut his mouth and turned at her statement and gave a strange little smile before looking away, red tinting his cheeks.

Doctor Beckett leant in to her. "He has a tendency to blush more frequently as well lately." They shared a short laugh.

"Yes, go ahead and mock me." John said.

"We are sorry, John." She offered, but she knew the humour had made him more relaxed.

"Okay, have there been any changes to yourself since last year?" Doctor Bays continued ignoring the humour around him.

"No. Not that I can think of."

"Anything, even vague, that has changed in the last year? Anything could be helpful." He pressed.

"No." Then a sudden thought occurred to her. "Well, one thing maybe." She paused. Could that strange vague presence be something significant? She looked up to three sets of expectant eyes. "In my dreams and during my meditations occasionally I have been aware of a presence. It is very distant, and it has only been over the past two months or so that it has, very occasionally, grown close enough for me to properly sense…more." Her eyes lifted to John across from her. Surely it couldn't be?

"The last two months?" Bays inquired.

"Yes, I believe so. Is that significant?"

"The Colonel's condition had been progressing faster over the past two months." Beckett answered her.

"You sensed a presence and you didn't report it?!" John demanded suddenly.

Teyla turned to him. "I was sure it was not Wraith and it was barely there. I saw no threat."

"You should have told me regardless." He stated. "What if it is something else dangerous besides a Wraith?"

"What if this presence is affecting both of you?" Beckett asked.

"Is there any way to find out?" Bays asked, the subject suddenly shifting.

"I could attempt to contact the presence as I have tried occasionally in my meditations." She answered, telling only a half truth. She did not want to mention that she often sought out the presence, disappointed if she could not feel its vague company.

"Can you do that now?" John asked, all medical concerns gone from his mind.

"Yes." She replied, feeling slightly ashamed at herself. She should have reported this presence the first time she had become aware of it. Instead she had enjoyed her own fantasies on its identity. What if she had endangered everyone?

Such thoughts would not help her focus, so she pushed them from her mind. She closed her eyes, drew herself upright in her chair and took several deep breaths, focusing and centring herself. The room fell quiet around her and her mind lapsed into that deep silent peaceful place within. She imagined Athos again like she had dreamt last night. She placed herself barefooted on the grass and looked out towards the distant mountains. She reached out with her mind, calling to the presence, her eyes searching the skies for the bird.

Nothing happened at first. So, she pushed out further as she would when she entered a Wraith mind. And then suddenly it was there. A wave of deep warmth and recognition swept over her as she brushed against the consciousness. However, it was no longer on a distant horizon it was directly in front of her. John's very familiar personality shifted against her mind and she heard him gasp from across the room.

She broke the connection and opened her eyes to find John staring at her.

"I felt that." He whispered.

Teyla gathered her thoughts together. "The presence; it is your mind." She supplied redundantly. She worked to draw this new knowledge to bear. It had been John's mind she had been sensing; John's mind that had called out to her. A burst of heat and arousal fled through her as she realised the truth. Every month when he went through his reaction; he wanted her. She sat back and slowly lifted her eyes to meet his and somehow understood that he had just realised the same. That she had sensed that from him. He turned his red flushed face from her. Her heart broke for him then, but at the same time came the sudden excitement and thrill of her own. That, despite it being a purely biological response, some part of John Sheppard wanted her. It was an old hope of hers that she had thought long buried, but there is was; sunning itself in this new knowledge.

She pushed aside those thoughts, looking over at Doctor Beckett, who was regarding her with a look full of empathy and possibly pity.

"Well, now we know there isn't some unknown alien presence out there ready to kill us. I suggest we get these tests over with." He said kindly.

--

She sat with her pretty little legs hanging over the edge of an infirmary bed and watched him as he paced. He didn't really know what else to do. Beckett and Bays had called him back after two hours of tests and scans. Presently the two Doctors were pouring over computer screens across the room and talking in hushed voices. For the hundredth time he cursed the universe for putting him into this situation. For having dragged Teyla into the mess as well.

He looked over at her, but he was unable to maintain eye contact for more than a moment. He felt awful. He had seen it in her eyes, perhaps felt it through that bizarre touch of minds before. She knew. She knew he dreamt of her. He hated himself. Hated that even now, he had looked directly at her bared legs when he had entered the Infirmary and the dream images had drifted into his thoughts. Had she sensed that? What must she think of him? Probably as some sort of uncontrollable horny animal. Alien undefined memories of when he had kissed her in the Gym before resurfaced. Why did this have to happen? Grunting in anger he changed direction and paced back across the room.

"John?" She called. He acknowledged her with a very brief glance in her direction and continued his pacing. "John. Come here." She ordered softly. He sighed and angled his pacing towards her, approaching slowly. Embarrassed beyond belief he couldn't look directly at her. She reached out and caught hold of his arm, pulling him slightly closer.

"John. None of this is your fault. You have done nothing wrong, so please stop blaming yourself so much." He let out a frustrated breath, trying to hold onto his annoyance.

"I'm so sorry about this." He uttered quietly, locking his eyes down on the bed beside her.

"There is _nothing_ to apologise for, John." She stated.

He glanced up at her face. "I've been invading you dreams, Teyla."

She smiled. "I barely sensed anything, John. I could not sense your thoughts. And you were not 'invading' my dreams. It was like, like a distant presence that I found comforting."

That made him feel slightly better. "Really?"

She nodded patiently. "Yes. I would not lie to you about that."

"But, there were times when…" He tried stepping back from her, looking away and cursing the heat in his face once again.

She let go of her hold of his arm as he retreated from her and grasped a hold of the front of his shirt, her fingers brushing against his stomach through the shirt. "John. You have _nothing_ to feel embarrassed about. You have had no control over any of this. It has been a purely biological reaction that you have had no way of controlling."

He looked up at her from under his eyebrows, searching her face for any signs of duplicity. He saw nothing but earnest concern for him and friendship. "Okay."

"Right." Carson Beckett announced abruptly from behind them. John stepped sharply back and Teyla's hand fell from his shirt. "We have all the results and Teyla you will be glad to hear you are also in excellent health." Carson stated, obviously taking some personal pride in the fact.

"Have you discovered anything that could help Colonel Sheppard?" She asked.

"Well, possibly." Carson began.

"I don't think it will make any difference." Bays jumped in.

Carson turned to the other Doctor. "I think I know more about human biology that you do, Doctor."

"You may do, but I am telling you Teyla's Wraith gene is too different from anything that was in that original Iratus-based retrovirus."

Carson looked back towards John. "Sorry we have slightly different theories and ideas on how to proceed. I believe it would be worth trying you on some medication to block certain receptors that may be picking up certain scents or such from Teyla."

"It won't work, or it won't be enough." Doctor Bays jumped in.

John turned to Bays. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think this reaction of yours is a purely biological reaction." His words shook John as they were so similar to what Teyla had just said to him. "Even if we are able to block you from receiving such stimuli as Doctor Beckett suggested, we can not block whatever this psychic connection is between you two."

"We don't know if that is a major factor in all this." Carson replied.

"It fits with what they both reported. In fact it may have been that connection that initiated these reactions in the first place as there certainly isn't any physical reason that we can find. We can not be sure."

"He is reacting to a very physical cause; her cycle, not her mind." Carson argued back.

"The largest erogenous zone in humans is the mind. And besides we have no idea how a cycle's effects could translate into the psychic world. It may be that the physically stimuli are the triggers for the reactions each month, but the initial driving force to recognise those triggers may originate from the psychic or emotional connection. We can not be sure." Bays stated.

"We will find out when he tries the mediation to reduce the response to physical stimuli." Carson pushed back.

John cut in sharply. "Can we try to focus back on what we're going to do please, and no one is to ever use the word 'stimuli' again."

The two Doctors had the good grace to look slightly sheepish as they returned their attention to the more immediate matter at hand.

"As I said before I was interrupted" Carson said. "We can try some medication to reduce your receptivity. We will start next month, at least a week before the next expected reaction to be sure. Doctor Bays is correct though, that this may not completely stop the reactions, but it may reduce them enough."

"Okay" said John. "Let's go with that."

--

TBC


	5. Pain

**Warning:** Things are getting a little darker – hey, this is me after all!

**Apology:** I am completely unable to write Dr Beckett's lines to simulate his Scottish accent, I apologise for this if it pulls people out of the fic, but try and hear it in your head in Scottish maybe.

**Note: **Also a female OC involved in this, I won't spoil it by saying how she is involved, but if you don't like that kind of angle in your JT, then maybe avoid, or yell at me afterwards.

--

The next two and a half months did not go well.

For those first few weeks after Teyla was told were good enough. John got over his embarrassment enough for them to continue to spend time together and to enjoy each others company. However, as that time of the month began to creep closer, things became tenser. Carson had started John on some medication, but the headaches and nausea had made John feel so ill that by the time the medication levels were adjusted down the reaction had begun as normal. John had still felt nauseous and lightheaded and had to take several days off duty or risk collapsing during a mission. None of this had helped his already heightened temper. The markings still grew and his emotions were as demanding as ever. Irritated further by feeling so ill, he practically became a recluse during that first months' reaction. Nights were the worst; so paranoid that he would dream of her and that she would sense it, he had attempted to stay awake all night. He drank too many strong coffees on his already stretched nerves, turned his music up too loud and had infuriated his neighbours.

He finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, earphones on, music blaring into his mind. The following day Teyla had appeared at the breakfast table unable to meet his eyes and he knew he had failed to protect her from his dreams. Embarrassed, he had withdrawn further, spending the next few nights locked away with music, movies, sugary foods and coffee; denying himself all but the briefest of naps. Teyla had said nothing, though she continued to look at him with an infuriating mix of apology and pity. That and she had begun to hum Johnny Cash tunes in the mornings.

By the time that first reaction had finished, he was a wreck. It took a further week for all the medication to leave his system. Then only one week free of meds before the next batch began. Carson tried a slightly different drug that time. It didn't cause any nausea, only a slight light-headedness and headache. It had also almost completely blocked his sense of smell. John had not realised how much that sense informed his world and its absence was bizarre. That and he could barely taste any of his food. That month's reaction began as usual, but unlike before, had not progressed more than the previous month. Carson looked hopeful. John did not.

Over that month John had begun to grow more paranoid about what thoughts Teyla may be receiving from him. She denied feeling anything obvious from him, but he didn't really believe her. Annoyed at the situation and at the world in general, his emotions were as grumpy as ever during that reaction. And the dreams were just as bad. Once again he had tried to sleep as little as possible, staying on duty almost all night long. After three nights of that Colonel Carter noticed and demanded he take time off. So, he went running along the piers, regardless of the weather. He ran and ran, pounding out the need, the desire, and all that extra energy until he was so exhausted he would fall asleep out on a balcony at the furthest end of the pier. He wasn't sure if distance was a factor, but maybe she would pick up less from him if he slept further away and during the day.

He felt awful. His body demanding what he couldn't have, his head hurting, and his emotions twisted and confused all beyond his comprehension. Once that week finally came to a close he was exhausted, grouchy and fighting daily headaches. Teyla was obviously deeply affected by his suffering. She tried numerous times to apologise and offer support, but the last thing he wanted was that kind of kindness from her. He began to snap at her, despite following her around most of the time. Her nearness still helped, but to stop him self getting more irritated at her they had begun to stop talking to each other outside of work related conversation.

Then once the reaction had ended last month he had had to watch as she went off to New Athos for a short break. He had watched from the Control Room as she headed off through the Stargate to her lover, and as far away from him as she could get he guessed. He tried not to hate her for that; for being able to walk away from it all; for going to Kanaan. Images and thoughts of her in the Athosian's arms, whispering words into his ears that John had dreamt her whispering to him. It was too much. He hated her for doing this to him, and at the same time he loved her too much. He had had to resist the urge to run through the Stargate and pull her back to be with him and him alone.

Twisted in that place of jealousy and anger he had left on a short mission to the Midway station. There a pretty temporary young scientist sent him enough signs to make her offer clear. The last night there, slightly drunk and completely miserable, he had pulled her willingly enough into his bed. He had tried to pour all that he had been going through into that encounter, trying to empty himself of all the needs that he had been haunted by for the past months. The night had been long, as he still had too much energy from after the reaction. He hated himself as he imagined the body beneath him to be Teyla's. And he all but wept as for the first time he actually felt the emptiness in his mind that her presence normally filled.

He had woken the next morning mortified at his behaviour. The woman had left his quarters all but glowing, her eyes bright with her new knowledge of his sexual prowess. He had sat on the edge of his bed and finally calmed.

He returned to Atlantis that afternoon and went straight to Carson.

"No more medication, Doc. I can't do this anymore." He had admitted dejectedly.

Carson had nodded, guiding him into his office. "I understand Colonel, but there are several more drugs we could try."

John sat down heavily into a chair. "I think the meds are affecting me just as badly as the reactions. I can't separate them anymore and I am no good to anyone if I'm plagued with these headaches.

Carson sat down beside him, "You said the reactions hadn't progressed this month?"

"It wasn't any worse, but just as bad and with the side effects of the meds on top. I need to take a break from it, Doc."

"Okay. I understand." Carson regarded him closely. "There are two other ideas I have come up with, if you're interested to hear them."

John rubbed his hands over his face, resting his elbows on his knees and looked up at his friend and Doctor. "Okay." He replied without much hope.

"We could try some form of gene therapy. But, to be honest the research I have done so far is slow going. Doctor Bays and I are not convinced that it is just one simple gene that is responsible for all that has been happening to you."

"What's the other idea?"

"Well, I want you to consider for a moment that these reactions of yours may have an equally strong psychological involvement."

John looked at him questioningly.

"I mean, John, that it is obvious to me that perhaps your feelings for Teyla go beyond a purely physically or chemical response." Carson said kindly, his tone now one of a friend not a Doctor.

John turned his eyes to the floor between his boots. "I hoped it was just a chemical, biological reaction." He replied honestly, safe in the knowledge that Carson would never share what he heard.

"You two have always had a close relationship since she first came to Atlantis. She is a beautiful woman and you two obviously get on like a house on fire."

John smiled down at the floor. "Not lately. I don't know how she has put up with me through all this."

"Your naturally deep feelings for her, plus the physical changes you've undergone from last year, the connection between you both genetically and psychically…and now she has this fella on New Athos." Carson continued. "It must all add up to almost a form of torture for you."

John chuckled briefly at the truth of Carson's words. He finally looked up from his boots. "So, other than leaving Atlantis; what can I do about it?"

Carson leant closer. "I think you need to speak to her about your feelings; your real feelings for her. Perhaps once it is all out in the open you can both move past this."

"I don't see how that is going to help, other than drive us further apart. I don't want to lose her friendship, Doc. And who wants to go through that kind of rejection?"

"It may be that you need to be rejected by her. Maybe that clear message will help you stop having these reactions. She is always there around you, kind, friendly and supportive. It may be that that isn't actually helping you right now."

John sat up and back, considering it all. "I'll think about it. Right now I'm gonna stop the meds. Maybe the reactions have reached a natural peak now? I just need to get these meds out of my system and not have a headache for a whole month. And, I really need to be able to taste my food again, Doc."

Carson smiled with him. "Aye, I understand. If you do decide to try again, you know where I am."

"Thanks Doc."

--

Over the next couple of weeks John tried to behave more affably towards Teyla. She responded with obvious relief and he was glad to see that she wasn't holding any kind of grudge towards him for his previous behaviour. They didn't speak about it though. He wasn't ready to have any kind of conversation about it with her yet. Fortunately for him a crisis presented itself that distracted them all for several weeks. By the time the next reaction began John had almost forgotten about the former tensions between them.

This month he decided, if he could, he would take a couple of days off duty as soon as the reaction began. Fortunately again for him things had calmed down and as soon as he felt his mood shifting and became aware that the blue of his skin was expanding he completed his last shift and booked two days free. During this reaction he focused on sparring with Ronon and on doing as much paperwork as he could, having been secretly saving it up before hand. Teyla came and sat with him whilst he worked, knowing that being close to him calmed him. She worked on her own paperwork, read, sewed her new clothes and even mended some of his when she ran out of distractions. Unspoken they kept some physical space between them across the room and they spoke little. She had taught him some meditation techniques to calm and protect his mind before hand and he worked on them everyday.

At nights he slept in a converted room on the end of a pier. Colonel Carter had not been too happy about him being out there by himself, even if it was for only one week a month, so Ronon had picked up his old sleeping mat and joined John. It became rather like a camping trip and it meant that they could spar late into the night. Tired and somewhat calmed John was able to sleep better and he kept falling asleep with headphones on, the music helping. Teyla had reported back that month that she had felt much less from him, but could still hum out several pieces of music that he had been listening to whilst he fell asleep.

And so things went for several months. John was still reacting strongly, but he knew now how to better control and distract himself. Of course the dreams continued, but even those he was less paranoid about her sensing. He still felt uncomfortable and unhappy at those times, but it was easier to manage. The blue markings had stopped growing bigger, perhaps having reached their maximum size now, but they remained sparklingly bright each month and several times John had seen Teyla looking at them with a strange look in her eyes. That had not helped, so he had told her not to do that anymore and he went for a very long run around the piers.

Their quiet time together over those first few days of a reaction, were both torturous and deeply satisfying to John. They said little to each other, but moved around each other with a renewed sense of the other. Her presence was a cooling poultice to his nerves and to the almost constant call of his body, but she was also too close. Her sweet smell always in the air, her body just beyond arms reach and it only fed the dreams further. But, despite all those difficulties, things went well.

He should have known it was too good to be true.

--

It was only the second day of a reaction when Kanaan came to Atlantis. John had watched in disbelief as Kanaan stepped out of the event horizon and into Teyla's waiting arms. He watched as the two leant forward, their foreheads touching briefly. How could she bring him here now?

The levels of control John had built up that morning from his mediation and running threatened to break apart and the furious animal beneath threatened to spill out. He took several deep breaths, turning his eyes from the couple and worked not to lose his composure.

She had appeared near him, not too close. "John, I did not know he would be among the visitors from New Athos." She said her tone apologetic.

John worked not to snap at her, or to demand that she stop looking at him in that way and that Kanaan should leave now.

"Kanaan's sister is being treated by Doctor Beckett and he wished to be near her." She continued.

Damn, now he couldn't demand that Kanaan leave. "It's fine, Teyla." He replied through clenched teeth and he felt the skin on his neck tingling.

"He will be in the Infirmary most days, and I can stay with you whilst you need me."

He suddenly felt so pathetic. She made it sound like she had to care for him, like he was some kind of sick child. The thought angered him, threatening his control again. He wanted to show her what he needed. It had nothing to do with being cared for, it would be hard and fast and she would love it. He quickly drew his mind down and inwards, suppressing his thoughts and emotions.

"John?" She asked worriedly from beside him, she had moved too close.

"That's fine, Teyla." He managed to say, stepping away from her. "I'm going to go for a run till Rodney has that report ready. I'll see you back here in an hour or so." With that he strode away from her, not caring if he had hurt her feelings. She deserved it as she was about to go back to Kanaan's waiting arms.

--

That night John ran along the pier alone, having told Ronon to give him some space tonight. His friend appeared to understand and had reluctantly retreated back to the main area of the city. John ran along the edge of the pier through the late night air, his eyes focused on the distant watery horizon. In his head he ran through the mathematical formulae he had memorised. It helped to focus his mind and stop his wandering thoughts; however it didn't really help with the needs of his body. So he kept on running and tried desperately not to think about that other man in his city. He tried not to be annoyed at Teyla for welcoming him here; it wasn't her fault after all. He tried not to look over his shoulder towards the city and tried to pretend he didn't know precisely which window was hers.

Finally the burning in his legs grew loud enough that he had to drop to a walk and he turned towards the building on the end of the pier that was his monthly sleeping hidey-hole. He climbed the stairs panting.

"If t is equal to f, then you divide the sum of the…" He muttered as he climbed.

Finally he arrived at his dark sleeping space and collapsed down onto his bed. He pulled out his MP3 player and tugged on his earphones. The volume turned up higher than usual he lay back, his breathing slowing. The music wasn't quite enough, so he scrolled through the songs till he found something loud with a heavy rock beat. Happy with that he closed his eyes and worked on his calming techniques once again.

He was beginning to relax, his mind floating, when the sensation trailed up the front of his body. He sat bolt upright and stared out into the dark.

--

Teyla allowed Kanaan to lay her back onto her bed. His lips trailed down her throat, his hands pulling her clothing free of her body. She tried to relax, but she couldn't help but feel guilty. She had spent barely any time with John today and he had seemed strongly affected by Kanaan's presence. Some dark part of her had felt a thrill at seeing him so affected that he couldn't even look at her. She would never have allowed Kanaan to stay here during this time, but his sister was undergoing minor surgery under Doctor Beckett's care. She could not deny him being near his beloved sister when she needed him. And, truth be told, Teyla had seen him little of late and when she had visited him she had shied away from sleeping with him. He had noticed, though she had made her excuses, and now he was here in her city he had missed her.

Perhaps it had been his need for comfort after leaving his sister in the Infirmary, but Kanaan needed her now. His hands moved possessively over her and she couldn't help but moan. She needed release of her own. She had spent these last few months knowing that John Sheppard wanted her. True it was only for a week every month, but it was true none the less. For a week each month she stayed with him all day long, knowing he wanted her, saw the glances he sent her way. Saw the need in his eyes, caught his masculine scent in the small room in which they sat to work together. Those days were torture for her. He wanted her, but he hated that fact. He struggled each month against the needs of biology and it was her fault. Through those days she struggled with her own desire, suppressing it down into herself, so glad that he could not sense her emotions as easily as she sensed his. And she felt guilty towards Kanaan, for it was not his fault that she secretly wanted another man, who had no honest desire for her in return. Kanaan cared for her and she for him, but he was not John.

Kanaan's touch became more insistent and she allowed herself to let go of all those conflicting feelings and thoughts and abandoned herself to the purely physical demands that her own body needed right now.

--

"No, no, no." John uttered as he leapt up from his bed.

His body tingled and throbbed. He stepped out onto the balcony and into the cold air and tried to breathe. He must still be dreaming.

Sensation drifted down his back and he turned almost expecting someone to be there. Arousal burst hot and bright throughout his body and he grabbed a hold of the railing to steady himself. He breathed steadily through his nose. He needed to regain control.

--

Teyla gasped as Kanaan entered her, arching her back and she raked her nails down his back in return. Her mind was lost in passion and need, and as she reached out with her hands to twist the sheets around her, she also reached out her mind. That dark selfish part of her that had so wanted John's attention now reached out towards his presence, stronger as it was this time of the month. She reached out to him, just wanting the briefest of touches. Wishing for even a moment that it was him with her in her bed.

--

It hit him finally in a moment of realisation that had him turning from the cool air and back into his temporary bedroom.

"No, no no!" He all but shouted across the room. They couldn't actually be doing that now could they? She wouldn't do that to him!

He began pacing across the small space of the room, and tried to calm his mind. But, the sensations were too strong, too vivid. It was like feeling a scene from a porn movie in his head; no images, just feelings, sensations. All of it jumbled together into the clear knowledge in his mind of what they were doing. Arousal made his body heavy and demanding, but he paced onwards. How dare they do this now! How dare _he_ touch her here! Anger burst hot and wild over the sensations; out through all of the controls he had so pain-stakingly put together over these past months. Those controls were abruptly gone and the usual wild demands of his own body flooded him.

He struggled to regain some control, moving out to pace along the cold balcony instead. It helped somewhat, but the connection with Teyla was still too strong.

"They can't do this to me! Not here. Not now!" He stated, focusing on the anger to reduce the other demanding emotions. That thought above all others he focused on, feeling the strength of his resolve and justification on at least that matter.

"They will not do that to me!" He shouted one last time and dashed from the room. He ran down the stairs and out along the pier towards that window he knew was hers.

--

TBC


	6. Shameful Behaviour

**Warning:** Welcome to the Dark Side. Now for a bit of confrontation…

--

John reached her door with a speed that track athletes would have begged to possess. He burned with anger still, but now also with self-righteousness.

He had enough focus and control to at least trigger the door's chime when he arrived, but after two beats, with a single mental command he deactivated the lock on her door and the doors parted for him. He stepped into the darkened room, his vision blinded against the light behind him.

"Teyla!" He all but roared as his eyes adjusted to the darkened room.

Teyla scrambled out from under Kanaan in alarm. She looked over at the bright light spilling into her room outlining the harsh lines of John Sheppard standing ram rod straight in her doorway. Worry won over the embarrassment of the moment and she pulled a blanket up around herself.

"What has happened?" She asked alarmed.

"You can't do that here." John demanded gesturing to the now vague shapes of the two of them on the bed.

"What?" Teyla struggled upright, suspicion forming.

"Teyla?" Kanaan asked, looking at her from where he was still partly bent over her.

"Get away from her." John stated with a tone of such raw physical authority that Kanaan all but stumbled back off the bed, his eyes wide and alarmed.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Kanaan asked, obviously completely confused.

Teyla stood up from the bed, the blanket wrapped tightly around her body.

"John, calm yourself." She began her tone placating.

John pulled his eyes from Kanaan who was tugging on his trousers and focused down at Teyla as she approached him stepping further into the light still spilling in from the hallway outside. Her obviously naked body was wrapped in a short blanket of Athosian design. She smelt of another man.

"I want him out of here." John demanded.

Teyla reached the door and waved her hand over the door sensor, hoping to close the door behind him. It was unlikely anyone was up at this late hour to hear this, but she could not be sure. Nothing happened and she looked suspiciously up at John.

She was close enough to him now to see his face, her eyes adjusting to the bright light behind him. And she finally saw the real anger and wild determination in his expression. "John, you have no say over where Kanaan sleeps."

"I am the commanding officer of this Base and I want him out of here. Now!" He replied, edging forward into her personal space.

"John! This is unnecessary." She turned from the blazing intensity of John's stare to Kanaan. "Maybe you should go back to your guest quarters."

"No. I want him off the city. Now." John reiterated. He tried to control his aggression, but the lingering arousal and need was only made worse by her closer presence. How could she not see what this was doing to him?

Teyla turned back to him, fire now in her eyes and it only made him want her more. "You can not make such demands, John. Kanaan's sister is in the Infirmary…"

"He can visit her tomorrow morning. For now I want him…off…this…Base…now!" John stated again through clenched teeth, leaning further into her space, forcing her to give him all of her attention. To make her aware of only him and his needs, not Kanaan.

Teyla thrust out her chin towards him. "Kanaan go back to your quarters."

"He leaves the city, now." John stated back. They stared into each others eyes in defiance. Both strong stubborn wills clashing through their staring match, but Teyla also felt the strength of his mind. She could feel how very upset he was through the now blazing psychic link. He was not thinking clearly, so she tried not to lose her temper with him.

Kanaan watched the two of them nervously as he pulled his shirt on. "Teyla, maybe I should go."

"Yes, Kanaan, maybe you should go" John said sarcastically his eyes still fixed on Teyla's, "and you will not be staying with Teyla here again."

"John!" Teyla said, beyond angry at him now. Though she was aware she was becoming slightly confused as to where her anger began and his ended.

John's expression became even more intense, his eyes pleading with her suddenly. "You know what it's like for me. How could you do this to me?" John demanded of her. "What about my needs? I am in command here and I want him gone."

Teyla worked to suppress her own embarrassment at the knowledge that John had been so aware that she and Kanaan had been making love, and she worried that perhaps she had caused this by reaching out to him, if only for a moment. She felt deeply embarrassed at herself and angry at John and the situation they had all been thrown into.

John drew in her scent again, she smelt so wrong. She was tainted by another man. He slid his eyes away from her to Kanaan, who looked thoroughly frightened by John right now. A thrill went through John; Teyla would see how weak this man was now, as he didn't even try to defend her.

Teyla saw the look John was sending in Kanaan's direction. Fear for Kanaan's safety warred with her still strong embarrassment and anger at John. She worked to remind herself that this was not John, not how he would normally react.

"Kanaan, gather your things." She said over her shoulder. She needed to defuse this situation as best as she could before John did something he would later hate himself for. "John, wait outside." She reached up and pushed against his chest.

Her touch was like electricity through him and he looked down at her in alarm. She caught the look in his eyes and he watched her lips part, but she looked away quickly. "John, please wait outside."

That cut through the red hot thoughts enough for him to step reluctantly backwards until he was just beyond the doors, which Teyla closed in his face. He pulled back sharply, saving his nose and the front of his shirt from being caught between the closing doors.

Teyla turned to Kanaan. "Colonel Sheppard is not himself at the moment. I think it best if we leave and come back in the morning."

Kanaan watched her as she pulled on her clothes and stuffed more into a bag.

"What did he mean by all that?"

"It does not matter now." Teyla cut him off before he asked any further questions she was not yet prepared to answer truthfully. "He will calm down quickly enough once we leave."

She led Kanaan out of her room. As expected John stood looming outside the doors, and she brushed past him without a word. She walked quickly, her back straight, trying to convey her annoyance and to maintain her control.

John followed them down through the corridors till they reached the 'Gate room. As they entered from the side entrance, he called up at the surprised technician who was on late duty. "Dial up New Athos. Our guest is leaving."

Teyla turned back towards him. "I am leaving with Kanaan."

Alarmed John stepped forward to meet her. The former anger was dimming, but it was still there. The swirling emotions and residual arousal still making it difficult for him to think clearly, but her words cut into him clearly enough. "What? No, you are staying here with me." John told her.

Teyla worked to contain the fury that she felt at his arrogant words, but was once again slightly confused as to where her own fury separated from his.

"How dare you talk to me like this, John. I have done everything I could to help you and this is how you repay me?"

"Repay you? How do you think I feel? With you and him going at it when you know what I've been going through!" He countered; the hurt and rejection fuelling his words.

Teyla looked round at the 'Gate room, glad that there were no personnel in the immediate area, but she knew there would be at least two security guards watching from above. Behind her the Stargate activated. This was all wrong.

In a controlled and quietened voice she said "I am going to New Athos and you can take care of yourself for the next few days."

With that she turned and strode through the event horizon. Kanaan followed slowly behind her, looking once more over his shoulder suspiciously at John.

--

Teyla walked away from the Athosian camp towards the forest, the early afternoon sun warm on her face. It had been a difficult night and morning and she needed some space to herself.

She and Kanaan had arrived in the camp late last night and had slept apart. She had laid awake most of the night still angry and embarrassed, but also worrying about John. He had been acting so unlike himself, and she worried that he was suffering more without her presence in Atlantis to soothe him. But, as the hours passed and she could not fall asleep, she had begun to resent that worry for him. Why was it that everything was about him? These past months had been difficult for him, but they had also been taxing for her. And now she had had to practically run from Atlantis, and her pride had taken quite a hit.

When morning had finally dawned Kanaan had arrived and wanted answers. She had tried to answer them as best as she could without revealing any of John's personal medical details, but Kanaan did not appear convinced. He had been thinking over what John had said and had arrived at his own theories. He had demanded to know if she and John had slept together. She had denied it calmly. Kanaan had then demanded to know whether she and John had been seeing each other. She denied that as well. But, then Kanaan had asked her if she loved John and she had faltered in her answer. Quickly recovering she had explained to Kanaan that she and John had a close friendship, but Kanaan had heard enough. He suggested that they take a break from each other and Teyla knew the relationship was over. She had apologised to him as she left. She felt as if she had been doing nothing _but_ apologise of late and she was getting rather tired of doing so.

Now, she strode out through the bright beautiful landscape of New Athos and felt somewhat more like herself. As she walked she considered what she could do. She considered leaving Atlantis, but dismissed that immediately. She thought of transferring to another team, but that did not appeal either. Outside of those times of the month she and John were the best of friends and she loved her team mates like family. She did not want to lose that. But, things could not go on the way they had been of late. She could not tip toe around John and his struggles any more, yet she yearned to help him.

Last night may have been her fault she considered again, chastising herself once again at the stupidity of what she had done and that she had reached out to John in that state. Or had he been sensing her and Kanaan before that? She couldn't be sure and she did not want to ask John for clarification.

She found herself worrying for him again, knowing she was punishing him by staying away from Atlantis for even a day. He needed her near to help him relax, but in truth she needed the space from him. And perhaps some part of her wanted to punish him; to make him really think about her and what he had done. Should she go back to Atlantis? Or would he follow her here?

These thoughts wandering through her head as she kept walking, not really paying much attention to where she was going.

Then she heard the screams.

--

TBC


	7. Separation Anxiety

--

It was just after lunch when Colonel Carter summoned him to her office. John was surprised it had taken her that long. Surely the security guards on duty in the 'Gate Room last night had reported what had happened. Maybe even some of Teyla's neighbours had also reported the shouting. He couldn't remember seeing anyone in the hallways, but then he hadn't been exactly thinking clearly.

This morning he had woken from fitful dreams, now with an added detail of her leaving him, her body wrapped in that Athosian blanket. He woke deeply ashamed of the way he had handled the situation, but still feeling pretty justified. The morning wore on and the obvious absence of her presence in the City began to make him feel even worse. There was still another day or so of the height of the reaction to get through and she was not here to help. He knew he deserved her abandonment and that he had treated her shamefully, but he couldn't quite feel completely sorry yet. He knew once the reaction completely faded he would, but right now the needs of his body were still very apparent and were made even more so fuelled with the fresh memories of what he had felt from her last night.

As he entered Carter's office his gaze fell to the sheet glass window to the right which he had slammed his fist through during that brief conversion over a year ago. Pulling himself away from those memories and the possible parallels to his recent behaviour, he sat down rather sheepishly.

"Colonel." Sam greeted him, moving to sit down in the chair beside him; indicating to him that this was a less than formal conversation. "I understand there was somewhat of an incident last night?"

"It was a private disagreement, Colonel. I apologise to letting it get out of hand." He replied reasonably honestly. "It won't happen again."

Sam nodded in acceptance. "I understand Kanaan and Teyla left for New Athos last night?"

John nodded, trying not to wince as he replayed the memory of her turning her back on him and striding away. "She should be back with Kanaan later today."

"Kanaan has already visited his sister this morning and she was well enough to return with him. He conveyed a message from Teyla that she would be staying on New Athos for a couple of days." Sam's eyes searched his.

A renewed hit of cold abandonment chilled him. She would really stay away for the rest of the reaction? Well, maybe he deserved as much.

"Colonel I understand that you have been going through a difficult time of late. Though Doctor Beckett has not told me all the specifics, I can tell that this situation is putting considerable pressure on both you and Teyla. If it is getting to the point where she has to leave in the middle of the night, I feel I need to say something. It does not look good for Atlantis' premier team to be at odds, and certainly not for the military commander of this Base to be caught in a shouting match in the City. Now I know this was a one off and I believe you, but I suggest that you deal with this Colonel."

John greeted the dress down as she had intended it; informal, yet clear. He nodded, his eyes lowered.

"Rodney is still hard at work on that new device; to tell you the truth I don't think he has a clue what it is." Sam joked. "Why don't you take the next day or so off to sort this all out?"

John looked up at her, feeling the weight of his guilt. She was right of course. "I might take a trip then," he said, "perhaps to New Athos."

"I think that may be a good idea, Colonel."

--

An hour later John stepped through the Stargate. It felt strange going off-world without his team, or without his P90, but he didn't think it would present the right image to be carrying a weapon when he arrived.

As he walked the half hour or so trip to the Athosian camp he tried to work out what he would say to her, but it all sounded too trite. I'm sorry, was all he could come up with. With his body and senses still heightened he made the distance to the camp in half the usual time and it was unfortunate that the first person he met was Kanaan.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Kanaan's tone was less than welcoming and held a certain amount of threat to it. Kanaan had lost the nervous expression from last night, having recovered enough to feel suitably annoyed with John in return. Besides this was his turf.

John approached with a weak smile on his face. "Kanaan." As he came to a rest opposite the man he struggled with what to say. "Look I'm sorry about what happened last night. I've not been feeling too well of late-"

"Teyla told me." Kanaan interrupted him. "She said you were sick and not behaving as you would normally. She said you would never had said or thought those things normally." He edged closer to John, arms crossed over his chest.

John was drawn into the staring match against his better judgement, but he couldn't let himself look away from the challenge

"I think differently however." Kanaan continued.

John knew the man was looking for clues from him as he stared him down. John was not in any mood to tolerate that and felt his own temper rising once again. He worked yet again to manage his natural inclinations during his reactions. "Regardless of what you think, it is true. I regret the way I behaved last night and nothing has been going on between Teyla and me."

Kanaan lifted his eyebrow, making his doubt clear, before he looked finally away from John. "Whatever the truth of that, it is no longer my concern."

A short sharp thrill went through John at that and he worked very hard to not show his delight to Kanaan. So he and Teyla had broken up. John wondered exactly why? "I'm sorry to hear that." John replied attempting to sound honest.

Kanaan pursed his lips in a very doubtful expression, but before he could reply there was a shout behind them. Both men turned to see a group of Athosians gathering on the edge of the camp all talking worriedly. Their conversation forgotten John and Kanaan hurried over.

Two young Athosian kids were being wrapped up in blankets. Both looked pale and exhausted, and one had blood smeared on his hands and cheeks. Halling arrived beside John moments later.

"What has happened?" Halling demanded.

One woman looked up from tending the blooded child. "Alac almost fell from the cliff over the river."

Halling moved to the child, apparently Alac, and crouched down before him. "You know not to play so far from the camp." The child looked down, tears filling his eyes.

"He said Teyla saved him, but she fell down into the river and was swept away." The woman continued.

Horrid images of Teyla being swept away by a raging river swirled through John's mind. "What river?"

Halling stood. "It has happened several times to others. She will have been washed down the main stream line that empties into a large lake beyond the grass plains. We must go there now."

Athosians jumped into action, pulling on coats and a group of about ten, Halling and Kanaan at the front, set out towards the forest. John scurried along behind the two men worry and fear dogging his steps. She couldn't be hurt!

"We could go back and contact Atlantis. If we bring a Jumper through we could find her quickly enough."

"We do not need your help, Colonel. We will find her well enough." Kanaan spat over his shoulder at John.

Halling looked from Kanaan to John with a query in his eyes, but did not ask. Instead he said "It has happened several times, Sheppard. Do not concern yourself. We will head out over the grasslands to the lake and we will most likely find her sitting on the shore as we have all the others this has happened to. It is not too long a walk from here. By the time you returned from Atlantis with a Jumper we will have found her."

Doubt mixed with worry in John's mind. He trusted Halling's judgement, but his urge was to go get help. But then as he looked around at the hardy and strong Athosian people walking out to find their former leader, he guessed there was enough help here.

"Okay. It alright if I tag along?"

--

Teyla woke to the late afternoon sun. Her head ached and she felt chilled to the bone. She looked around disorientated, what had happened?

Memories returned quickly enough. She had pulled the child up from the cliffs edge, but her grip had been slipping, the soil wet beneath her. She had had just enough time to shove the boy past her shoulder to safety as she began to lose her hold on the cliff edge. She had watched the boy being pulled away by his friend, as the earth gave out beneath her and she fell down towards the water.

It had been so cold and somewhere along the way she had hit her head. She could only remember the churning waters pushing her and pulling her under. The flow had been too strong and the water too cold and she had had to allow herself to be washed further down the river, bumping against rocks and scrabbling for a purchase on the clay coated banks. After what felt like a lifetime she had eventually found a good hold on a tree root and laboriously hauled herself out of the chilled water. She had crawled on her belly up and away from the river and had then apparently passed out.

She looked now at the darkening forest around her and recognised nothing. Sitting up slowly she tested the bump on the side of her head. The headache was distant and there didn't appear to be any more blood flowing. But, she was freezing cold in her saturated clothes. She needed to get warm before anything else.

She pulled herself up on uninjured legs, thanking the Ancestors for her lucky escape and set about gathering dry pieces of wood. The fire took longer to start than normal, as water kept dripping from her sleeves onto the growing embers. She pulled off the heavy coat and laid it over a large rock. She would dry quicker this way anyway. The fire grew under her care and she finally sat down to gather her breath and thoughts.

Shivering she sat as close to the small flames as she could. The sun was behind the trees now, but there would still be enough light to start moving back to camp. However, she still did not recognise any of the landscape around her. She guessed she had been swept further down stream than she had ever been on foot before. She was unclear as to which direction to even head in, so she would just have to follow the river back. It was early spring, but once the night fell it would be very cold. She had not spent much time on New Athos during the winter months, but knew even early spring was extremely cold at night, especially if she couldn't get dry.

She would rest and dry out by the fire first, so she leant over the growing fire and willed the warmth into her body.

--

They had found where she had fallen. John had been very glad to discover that what the Athosians referred to as 'cliffs' were not as high as he had feared. But, as he looked back at them as they followed the river away, he couldn't help but see the rocks poking up from the water below. She may have been hurt during the fall.

He followed the fast running water past him to where it hit against a massive boulder. Apparently more resistant to water erosion than the rest of the bank it had resisted the onslaught and had caused the river to split into two; one much larger part flowing off to the right, which the Athosians had set off following. As John passed the boulder his eyes fell to the other smaller part of the river that diverged off to the other left.

"Couldn't she have been washed down the other way?" He called out to the retreating Athosian backs.

Kanaan turned to look back at John obviously still very annoyed at him. "No. People always get washed down to the right. The flow is stronger and the under currents always pull people and drift wood that way. She will have washed into the lake, Colonel." With that he turned back to follow the rest of the group.

John looked back at the divergence one last time as he passed it. He guessed the Athosians knew their world better than he. They had set a quick, but steady pace, but it was not fast enough for John. He wanted to run madly after her, to find her now. What if she was dying somewhere down there in the lake? But, he held himself back, knowing it was the reaction heightening his already over taxed need to be near her. He couldn't go running off when he didn't know where to go. Halling would be right; she would be sitting by the lake, or better yet they would meet her as she walked back towards camp.

John's eyes fell to the river where it parted again. He remembered falling into a river when he was a kid. He had been on a very rare family holiday and his father had taken him and his brother fishing. John had slipped on a wet bank and fell into the fast freezing water. He could remember the suffocating pull of the water's currents, the panic he felt and the deep penetrating cold. Had she gone through that? He imagined Teyla would have had more mental focus than he had had as a young scared boy. She would have found a way out of the water and to safety. Right? If only he could help her somehow.

He stopped suddenly. The strangest feeling passed through him. He looked back towards the left hand divergence of the river and followed it with his eyes to where it disappeared into the forest. He took a deep breath; the air fresh, but chilled, filling his lungs. His heightened senses buzzed and his skin tingled. He walked back to the boulder and stared out at the distant forest. Flashes of images came to him of dark trees and a chilled body. He could smell burning twigs and damp skin. Teyla.

His body sung suddenly with renewed purpose. She needed him. He rocked back onto his heels and raced towards the river, leaping with his new agility and speed up and over where the river diverged. He landed solidly on the other side, and raced down along the left smaller river towards the forest. Distantly he was aware of someone shouting his name, but he ignored it. He would find her.

--

TBC


	8. Awkward Reunion

**Note:** I wrote this and the next chapter as one, but it was FAR too big for that, so I have had to split them into two. So here is the first part.

--

John ran joyfully towards the pull of her presence. He was distantly aware of the sound of the water from the river beside him, of the birds singing in the approaching forest and of the chilled air against his face. His mind was blissfully empty as he ran. His body burned; free and wild.

His pace was fast but steady as he ran. He felt exhilarated beyond measure at being able to run so freely. When he ran along Atlantis' piers it was enjoyable enough, but this was completely different. Now he was running with purpose out in natural wilds. He was not running to just empty himself of feeling and energy, now he was running towards the almost magnetic magical pull of her. His body used its excess to push him onwards, without any thought or worries. And for the first time in many months, if not longer, he felt contented in what he was doing. He had purpose, had a clear drive into which he could pour everything he had to give.

The river had been running in practically a straight line, but was now heading off to the right around the edge of the rising forest before him. John stopped at the tree line, his breathing fast. He looked down at the rapid waters flowing off between shear rock banks, as it turned away from the trees. It felt wrong to follow the river that way.

He looked up at the forest in front of him and cocked his head trying to listen to that presence inside. The trees had grown up over a hillside and he wondered if the river simply went around the hill and would return back to its direct path beyond the slopes. He reached out with his feelings, working to understand how to contact her. Seeking her within his mind and stretching out with his senses to the fresh smelling forest before him.

The tingling began again, the invisible pull increasing until it was almost palpable on his body. He needed to go through the forest. That decision made, he ran forward again, straight into the forest. He began to climb the slope within, reaching out for handholds to help him ascend the embankment of vegetation.

--

Teyla tested the bump on the side of her head once again and was satisfied that she was well enough to head out. Her trousers had dried slightly, but her short top was still very damp, and its chill was seeping deeper into her body. She longed to remove the top, but she wore nothing beneath and she would only have to pull it back on again before she left. The idea of pulling on a cold damp top later was distasteful. She dared not pull her coat back on either as it would only make matters worse and would steal what little warmth she had, its thick layers still heavy with water. She needed to get moving and build up some body heat from the exercise.

Standing she looked out once again at the landscape around her, but it was as unfamiliar as it was before. Away from the heat of her fire, her skin chilled immediately. The sun had still not set, but its increasing descent to the horizon behind the trees had stolen the day's warmth from the air.

His mind suddenly flooded against hers almost knocking her from her feet. Steadying herself, she gasped at John's abrupt arrival in her consciousness. He was worried, very worried, and reaching out to her. "John" she gasped, her breath visible in the cooling air.

He had never shown any ability to contact her at will before and the new sensation was very strange to her, as only Wraith had entered her mind before. His mind was warm and pleasing, unlike a Wraith mind. He was here on New Athos and worried for her. A burst of joy went through her to think that he had made the trip to see her. And they obviously knew that she had been washed away by the river and a search party was on the way. But, John felt concerned. She reached out to try to reassure him, to let him know she was well. She didn't know if he would be able to understand her message, but she sent it anyway. In return she felt a sense of satisfaction and purpose from him. Those feelings of need and desire burst back into the link and she was suddenly reminded what had happened last night. Had he come to New Athos to speak to her, or just to ease his suffering during his reaction?

The joy of his presence had dimmed, but she did not withdraw her mind, keeping a subtle touch against his mind letting him feel her presence. Memories of what had happened last night replayed and she fought not to convey any of that to John. Nothing had changed.

She became aware that he was far away, images of the fast flowing river, of running across grass and clay played through her thoughts. He was heading this way, but there was no one else with him. Realising John was going to be her only rescue, she decided to sit still and wait for him to find her. She did not know how skilled he was at detecting where she was. It would be best that she remain in one place to make it easier for him to find her.

So she went back to the still burning fire, holding herself close to the warmth, waiting and trying not to be so happy to feel him growing ever closer to her.

--

John reached the crest of the hill and looked down one steep edge to confirm that he had been right; the river was circling back around the hill far at its foot. He turned towards the descending side of the hill, her presence so much closer now that he actually thought he could smell and taste her skin on the breeze that drifted up through the trees.

Going down the hill was slightly slower going, but he grabbed hand holds on low branches and swung himself down over the more ankle-twisting areas. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something unnatural within the trees. He decided to check it out in case she was there. Panting he cut across the hillside and the side of a tiny log cabin came into view. He reached out with his feelings, searching around him for her presence, but the pull was still coming from down the slope, not towards the cabin. So, he dismissed it and continued down the hillside.

As he neared the base of the hill her presence began to grow so strong that the previous emptiness was fast being replaced by the very familiar need and hunger. He felt as if he were moving in towards a deep blissful climax. At the base of the slope he paused. She was very close now and he could not approach her in such a state. He used calming techniques to slow his fast breathing from his run as well as to help calm the need. He worked for a few moments to steady his thoughts, to suppress the libidinous thoughts and memories in his mind.

As if sensing his focus changing, her presence shut down in his mind. She was hiding herself from him. He almost shouted out against that, but kept it inside. She was already angry at him, and he didn't want to make it any worse. He only hoped he had gained some brownie points for having come to her rescue.

Then she appeared around a tree. Satisfaction burst through him. He had found her. She was heading towards him, her coat in hand, her arms and belly bared to the cold air.

"You alright?" He began as he approached her. He looked her over as quickly as possible. She was walking fine and there appeared to be no obvious signs of injury.

"I am a little cold and damp, but besides that I am fine, John. Thank you." She replied with a slight smile.

His eyes fell back to her cropped top to see that it was dark with moisture and was clinging to her more than normal. That didn't help his focus. He began to pull off his vest and jacket. "Here you can have my jacket. Good thing I wasn't wearing the leather one." He handed over the top.

"Will you not be cold in only a shirt?" She asked, but she took the jacket willingly. He turned his back, allowing her some privacy to change into it.

"I'll be fine, I had a good run here. Sorry if the jacket's a little sweaty though. You're sure you're not hurt?" He asked quickly, not wanting to linger on the subject of sweatiness. He pulled his vest back on over his short sleeved shirt, the cool air against his arms actually helping to cool his over-heated body and mind.

She stepped back into his view buttoning up his jacket. His gaze fell once again to her top which was now in her hand. She was naked under his jacket. She looked up at him accusingly and he looked away suppressing his wandering thoughts once again.

"I hit my head, but I feel fine." She answered. He looked to her hairline and saw the tell tale signs of dried blood in her hair. He stepped forward reaching out without thinking brushing her hair aside to reveal the small swelling.

"You got a headache?" He asked, but was happy that the bump was small and the skin was already mending.

"It has mostly gone now." She reported. He looked down to gauge her honesty and realised how close he was standing to her. Every thought and feeling he had been working to hide away all bellowed for attention and he stepped back quickly.

She let him go without comment and an awkward silence descended over them. He hated it. He remembered that he wanted to apologise to her. "Look Teyla, I'm really sorry about what happened last night."

She narrowed her eyes at him and he felt the brush of her mind again. "You are not sorry about what you did." She said back.

"I am." He protested. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that and I'm truly sorry."

She regarded him intently. "You maybe sorry about how you spoke to me, but you are not sorry about sending Kanaan away are you?"

John opened his mouth to deny it, but he couldn't. Not, with the reaction still making demands of him. No, he was still glad he kicked Kanaan out of Atlantis.

She rolled her eyes at him and turned away. "We should get moving before the air grows too cold." With that she set off through the trees, warmed by his jacket.

John watched her retreating back and tried to feel bad, but he couldn't. She was alive, safe, with him again and had a right fire burning in her belly towards him. He tried not to find that even more attractive but failed. He sighed and headed out after her.

--

The light disappeared far too quickly and the cold set in with sharp teeth. John shivered in the dark moonlight as he waited for Teyla to climb up next to him. He didn't reach down to help her up; she wouldn't want that from him right now and he didn't really want to risk actually touching her right now. But, he was thoroughly enjoying her company. That deep ache that had occurred during her absence from Atlantis was gone now he was back with her. For almost an hour they had scaled the side of the hill. He let her take the lead for awhile, but after ten minutes of looking up at her very attractively shaped rear, he took the lead.

He hadn't realised how fast and easily he had scaled this hill before. It sent a deep sense of satisfaction and pride through him. But, it meant that the going back up was considerably slower with Teyla with him. And the slope he had descended so quickly before was not as easy to climb back up. The night had fallen too fast and neither of them was dressed to stay out in this punishing cold much longer.

"We need to bunk down for the night." He said, his breath creating a cloud before him in the chilled air. He guessed the cold was getting to him because that statement didn't immediately turn into a fantasy in his mind. Maybe the reaction was nearing its end? "I saw what looked like a small log cabin near the top." He said squinting up through the darkness to the top of the hill, breathing heavily from the exertion of the climb and against the cold.

Teyla arrived beside him, stumbled briefly and grabbed a hold of his arm to steady herself. She was more tired than she should be, but he guessed the bump on the head and a trip down a raging river would do that to anyone and climbing this hill was quite an effort. They had decided not to follow the river as the forest was warmer and provided more shelter from the near freezing breeze that was even seeping between the trees this deep into the forest. She knew her way back to the camp from the hill forest now she knew where she was.

Teyla looked up in the same direction as he, scanning the ridge high above them. Her hand still rested on his arm and he took that as a good sign that she was feeling kinder towards him now. "I recognise where we are. The small hut was built for those on long hunting sessions through the woods. There should be some food and drink there and dry fire wood."

"And protection from this cold." John commented. Her hand on his bare forearm was sinking a very welcome warmth into his skin. As if she heard him she looked down at where she was touching him. Her eyes slid up to meet his and she slowly removed her fingers from him, but for a moment there he got the impression from her that she had been enjoying the shared warmth as well.

She turned her gaze back up the hillside. "We should make it to the hut soon."

--

They reached the tiny little log cabin after a further twenty minutes and it was about time as Teyla could barely feel her fingers through the cold. They pushed open the reluctant door and stumbled into the small space. A large table dominated the room, upon which stood a set of candles ready to be lit and several sealed skins of water. At the far end of the hut was a waiting fireplace, already stacked with logs. It was customary to leave the hut as it was found; ready for those who may need it.

John moved to the fireplace and began lighting it. Teyla rubbing her arms to build up some warmth, then carried the candles over to him to light them as well. She hunkered down next to John, his shoulder warm against hers. The fire fluttered to life under his care and he handed over his lighter for her to light the candles. The flames leapt high in the fireplace, driven by a moss indigenous to this planet that worked well to accelerate a fire. John leant close to the growing warmth, the light flickering along the handsome lines of his face, emphasised at present by patches of blue tinted skin.

Teyla drew her eyes away from him and set the candles on the table. She handed one water skin to John and began to drink from the other. The water was cold, but so very refreshing. A box was wedged under the table which she pulled out. Inside was a collection of foods a selection of dried meats, fruits and a bottle of alcohol. She decided to leave the bottle in the box. The last thing John needed right now was some of that.

Turning back towards the fire she handed John some food and set about hanging her coat and top near the fire to dry. By morning they should be ready to wear again. John had pulled the thick skins that had lain on the floor nearer the warmth of the fire. She sat down on one and finally started to feel warm.

"I am sorry you know." John uttered quietly.

She turned to him, to see him staring into the flames. "I know. It has been very difficult for you lately." He nodded, his gaze still lost amongst the growing embers. "I am sorry too." She said quietly.

He looked towards her, his expression questioning.

"That Kanaan stayed with me last night." She offered feeling intensely embarrassed.

He looked away. "Don't worry about it. You need to do what makes you happy. You were right, you have done everything you could to help me and I do appreciate that." He said, looking back at her briefly.

He appeared calmer and she wondered if his reaction was dimming. Or perhaps it was the long afternoon's trek to find her and now the cold climb back. The cold had certainly put things into perspective for her. Her former anger and resentment towards him had all but gone.

"Thank you for finding me, John." She realised she hadn't really said that yet.

"You would do the same for me." He looked at her intently and she felt the flicker of the connection again. He looked away quickly. "I'm sorry about this whole thing. You shouldn't have to put up with what I've been asking of you these past months." He whispered.

"It is not your fault that this has been happening to you, John." She whispered back, wondering if they were actually going to talk about this at last.

"I've been thinking maybe I should take a break. Go visit some old friends on Earth." He said back softly.

Alarm shot through her. "You're thinking of leaving Atlantis?"

"No, just taking a break for a couple of months maybe." He turned to look at her once again, his eyes sad in the golden light from the fire. "Things can't go on the way they have been."

A very real emotional pain lanced through her at the thought that he may not come back to Atlantis if he left on his 'break'. "Surely Doctor Beckett or Doctor Bays can come up with something else to help you."

He looked sharply away and even through the flickering light she could see the red tainting his cheeks.

"John, do not make any decisions about your future now. You are still not back to your normal self yet." She insisted.

"But, that's the thing, Teyla; these reactions are a part of who I am now. It may be best for everyone if I take a break. Decide later what to do."

She felt the stubbornness in his mind growing. "John. Please, Atlantis needs you. Things are not so bad. Things have been better these past months. I am happy to continue to stay with you for those first few days, when you need me close. You would do the same for me." She repeated his words back to him. "Maybe it would be best if I left Atlantis." She considered.

"No, Teyla. This is something I need to come to terms with."

"But, John this is because of me what has been happening to you." She interrupted him.

"No, this has happened to me because of that damn retrovirus." He said, the sadness in his eyes replaced with insistence. "This is not your fault."

She looked away. She felt as if this was all her fault. "I wish there was something I could do to help you, John."

A brief flash of emotions stirred from him. She felt him try to control them, shut them down and away, but it appeared the link between them had been made stronger by the last days' events. She made no sign to show that she had noticed, but she could still feel his embarrassment.

"I think I am gonna turn it." John said. He got up from the now full flowing fire. He went over to one side of the small hut and set about making a bed out of a blanket on an animal skin. He took off his vest and used it as a rudimentary pillow under his head. He settled down and everything went quiet except for the pop of the fire. "Night, Teyla." He said.

"Night, John." She whispered back as she watched the flames dance before her.

--

TBC


	9. Release

--

John woke panting into the night, his body blazing from the images of his dreams. He sat up as quietly as possible and worked to steady his breathing. His groin throbbed and his skin tingled more than ever before. She was too close.

He looked over to the opposite side of the hut, through the legs of the table. She was sleeping up against the far wall. They had slept far away from each other with the large table like some kind of pathetic barrier between them. It didn't work. She was in the same room, on the same planet!

The hut was nice and warm now, but that heavy heat only carried her scent easier to him. He could almost hear her breathing across the floor. He watched her rough outline through the heavy blanket over her, watched her steady breathing.

He all but whimpered as he saw the edge of his own jacket against the back of her exposed neck. She was wrapped in his jacket. He wanted it back with a sudden need; for not only would she then be bare, but her scent would be on his clothes, on him.

He stood up abruptly and headed towards the door, wrenching it open, uncaring as to the noise he made. He stepped out into the almost blinding cold outside and drew in a deep breath. He remembered then he had taken his boots off, so now his socks were all that stood between his feet and the cold ground. Grumbling quietly he pulled his socks off, not wanting them to get damp and threw them back through the still open doorway towards his makeshift bed.

The sharp coldness bit into his feet, but it helped. The hairs stood up on his bare arms against the chill, his body trying to contain his heat, whilst in his mind he wanted nothing more than to lose it. He had hoped the reaction was draining away, but tonight had been too intense. He had dreamt of pulling her damp body from the roaring river, of stripping the cold saturated material from her body and holding her against his warm skin. His lower half grew even heavier and his arms ached to actually be able to hold her like that.

He tipped his head back, breath forming harsh clouds around him. He looked up at the night sky and wondered if he should go running through the cold night. Maybe howl at the moon for awhile and see if that helped.

--

Teyla had heard him leave. She had been unable to sleep anyway and knew without reaching out with her mind that he was lost in lustful dreams. Part of her wanted to slip into them as well, but the rest of her wanted to stay awake and hide from him.

So she had burrowed down into her blanket and the collar of his jacket. She had drawn in the smell of the material; a mixture of the cologne he wore, the Earth washing detergent and that unique smell that was simply John Sheppard. She had lingered in that place, enjoying the touch of the fabric against her skin, against her bare breasts beneath the jacket. She wondered if she was picking up some of the lust he was experiencing in his dreams, but knew that she had had these thoughts before.

That presence that was him in the back of her mind called to her all of a sudden and she heard him wake sharply, his breathing fast. She remained still, not wanting to embarrass him by seeing him in that state. She kept her breathing soft and steady, feeling the weight of his eyes on her back. A tingle lingered up her back and she had to stop herself from shivering with delight.

Then he was moving. For a moment she thought he would approach her, but she heard him pull open the door rather violently. Relief and disappointment wrestled within her. Once her heart rate had dropped back down did she realise that he had really gone outside. In that cold. She sat up listening, but couldn't hear him. The air that was breezing into the hut was so cold, he shouldn't be out there. He would freeze to death.

She was on her feet without thinking and moved towards the still open doorway, stepped around the end of the table and into the pale moonlight that streaked in from outside.

He was standing a short distance away, hands on his hips and his head hung back eyes closed. His breaths rushed out to form sparkling clouds in the pale moonlight. He hadn't heard her she realised and she took the moment to look at him and wonder if she should just leave him be.

Her eyes fell to his very bare feet. He would risk serious invasion of cold if he wasn't careful. She noticed the slight lines of blue that rode up the backs of his toes and up to his ankles and disappeared under the line of his trousers. He had strong feet she realised, a strong body. Her eyes travelled up his legs, taking in the outline of muscular thighs through the material, past the obvious bulge of his crotch, to where his hands rested on his hips. Blue lines drifted from his fingers, around his wrists and trailing up his forearms to his elbows.

All this increasing blue skin was to get her attention she suddenly realised. It was a strange thought as she had never met a man she was more attracted to than John Sheppard; as if she would need these extra touches to his skin to draw her eye. They were appealing though; highlighting the natural lines of his body.

Her gaze travelled up his flat belly, strong chest and shoulders. At the neckline of his tight shirt the blue reappeared again to run up the sides of his neck to his jaw and ears. The urge to press her lips to where the blue lines wrapped up over his jaw was suddenly palpable and she realised she was licking her lips.

She dropped her eyes from him, chastising herself for indulging such thoughts. That was far from what he needed. Her gaze fell once more onto his bare feet on the cold ground. He was going through that for her; because he wanted her. When she wanted him so much. It may be a biological reaction that he couldn't control, but suddenly she didn't understand what the problem was. He needed her and she wanted him.

He moved, drawing her attention back up to his face. He looked round at her the surprise clear on his face to see her standing there.

"John, it's too cold out there." She whispered. "Come back in." She said, as she reached out a hand to him. "Come back in, John."

His eyes dropped to her outstretched hand, but he didn't move.

"John." She called.

He looked away, obviously torn. "I think I should go for a run for a bit."

"It's far too cold." She stated. "Come into the warmth with me."

He looked back at her and she saw the glazed look, his breathing heavy.

She reached out further into the moonlight towards him. He leant towards her outstretched hand instinctively, but caught himself and moved away slightly.

"I don't think it would be safe, Teyla." He said around now panting breaths.

"You would never hurt me." She said with conviction. "And I don't want you to suffer with this anymore."

He looked into her eyes confused but hopeful. "What?"

"You said I had done everything I could for you, that is not quite true is it." She said quietly.

"No, Teyla." He shook his head and stepped further away. "I don't want you to do that for me."

"I want to do that for you."

His eyes moved back to her still outstretched hand, he blinked rapidly as if he were struggling to think.

"I want this too John." She said into the chilled air between them.

He took a large breath in, inflating his chest as he stared at her and as he let the breath out she heard a groan. She reached out then with her mind, to brush her mind against his. He stepped slightly closer. She opened her mind fully and allowed him to feel the arousal in her own body. He moved closer again.

"Teyla." He whispered.

"Let me help you." She tempted him.

His eyes were on her body now, and she could feel that he was almost convinced. He so needed this with her and she would allow herself this one time to enjoy what she had always wanted from him.

"I don't think I can be gentle, Teyla." He stuttered out, obviously struggling to speak now.

A renewed thrill went through her and she smiled up at him, lifted one eyebrow. She reached the last inch or so to finally touch him. Her fingers slid over the chilled skin of his forearm, pulling him back into the hut.

--

John let her pull him back into the warmth of the small room. With one hand still on his arm she reached out with the other to push the door solidly closed against the night. She turned back to him, standing only inches away.

John's gaze dropped to the open neck of her top; his jacket. He drew in a breath and caught his scent mixed with hers. Want, so powerful he could no longer even attempt to think straight, flooded him completely, pooling down into his groin.

Teyla watched his fully dilated eyes on her throat and felt a wave of desire from him. The wave felt both physical and emotional through the link, and it wrapped around her. She gasped through her parted lips, dipping her head back slightly and allowed herself to immerse herself in that lust and allowed her own to lift to meet it.

He growled slightly at that and leant in towards her. His nose and lips slid into the crook of her neck, tracing up to her ear and he inhaled deeply and loudly. Something he had wanted to do for too long. She shuddered beneath him, her breath gushing out against his ear in return. He pulled away and moved to the other side of her neck, breathing in her scent once again. She groaned as she leant forward and her head back, exposing her neck further for him. He brushed his lips over her soft skin but he was too far gone to really register it.

He stood back, gripped her under her arms, turned and sat her down on the tabletop in front of him. Teyla reached for him as he stood against the table, nudging her knees apart to make room for himself. She slid her hands around his shoulders to touch the back of his neck and pulled him towards her. He buried his nose back into her neck, breathless still trying to control himself. She wanted no such thing and grabbed handfuls of his shirt, pulling it up his body. He moved back enough to pull the shirt over his head. Teyla's eyes fell to the luscious body before her. Her fingers traced the pattern of blue that wrapped around his ribs, as he leant back in towards her, pressing his body against hers and as gently as possible bit her neck, then licked the skin afterwards. She gasped hotly into his ear. "Yes."

He pushed her backwards onto the table with his chest, leaning over her. She laid back willingly, enjoying his warmth and weight over her. He nuzzled down into the open neck of his own jacket on her. He grazed his teeth over the sensitive skin there and she all but arched up under him. He grumbled in pleasure, the sound vibrating through his chest into hers. Pleasure bounced around inside her body and through her mind until she wasn't sure where one ended and the other began. His need for her, his need to possess her was almost at complete breaking point and she only wanted to help him over the edge.

As if he heard that, he pulled back and tore his jacket she wore open, exposing her naked torso beneath. He was leaning back down as she reached up to clasp his hair and pull him to her bared breasts. His mouth latched hotly onto one, but for too brief a time. She whimpered as he lifted once again from her. He stood back completely from her, towering over her where she lay on the table before him. He dragged his hands down her sides to grab a hold of her hips and he pulled her across the small distance on the table between them, pulling her groin abruptly flush against his. She gasped and ground against him in return. He groaned and began pulling on the fastening of her trousers, once open he immediately forced his hand down into them, beneath her underwear to her centre. She moaned at the sudden stimulating contact. He murmured in pleasure at her obvious readiness for him, his fingers sliding over and into her.

John pulled his hand back, despite her muttered protests. He took a hold of her trousers together with her underwear, stepped back from the table to pull them off her legs in several swift tugs and cast them aside. His hands dropped to his own fly as he stepped back towards her, pulling himself free. She felt a brief moment of vulnerability at her now complete nakedness, but it disappeared at the sight of his hungry eyes on her body. Lost in her own lust she smiled at him as he neared, and opened her legs further to him. Then he was over her again and nudging at her entrance.

He stopped suddenly above her, arms locked out to either side of her body, panting. She looked up at him in confusion.

"Protection." He gasped out.

"I have been taking herbs to protect me and the doctor gave us both a clean bill of health." She panted out herself, reaching out eagerly to his body hovering over her, trying to pull him closer.

Obviously satisfied with that, he came down over her, pulling her centre tight to his groin by her hips as he pushed into her. The pleasure was almost mind numbing for them both and in one final push he was fully nestled inside of her. He rested over her, his nose against her throat and breathing heavily. Teyla shifted, pulling him deeper and he groaned in her ear as her first climax hit her. She pulled him tighter to her with her legs and her nails on his back.

He somehow managed not to lose it then and stayed as still as possible as she began to relax beneath him, her bliss tugging at his mind as her body was to his. He breathed slowly and his mind cleared slightly, enough for the full impact of what he was doing to hit him. He had wanted to merge with her for so long, so desperately that now he was here he dared not stop, fearing it would end. Four long years of desire and growing love and this was not how he wanted this to have come about. He buried his lips against her delicate throat, feeling the beat of her life in her veins. Affection, more powerful than he had ever felt before poured through him and he almost felt like crying. Trying to hold together his emotions and to hold back his body's loud demands he struggled against her and himself.

She felt his sudden desperation through the retreating wave of her release and pulled him tightly to her in comfort. She had wanted nothing more than to hold him so close. She never would have imagined he would feel so good in her, his weight wonderful over her. She clung to him, unwilling for a moment to let him begin to seek his release, not wanting this to end. Yet, she could feel the shaking of his body and the sweat over his skin.

"It's okay, John." She whispered to him. "Please."

He let her soft voice sing in his ear and through his mind. He let the worries go somewhat and began to move, the physical pleasure rocketing back up and his former needs fell swiftly and clearly back into place. He gripped her hips pulling her against him as he thrust into her.

Teyla reached back and grasped the edge of the table behind her head and pushed back meeting him. Everything around her but him faded completely from her consciousness and even her body began to drift away from her, until release slammed powerfully through her pulling her back violently into pure physical pleasure. She reared up under him, stretching up towards him, her open mouth hovering under his as he began to empty himself into her. Their breaths mingled as they both clung tightly to each other, nails biting into skin.

Her mind began to separate from her body as she collapsed back down onto the table. John groaned out her name one last time as he fell down limply over her. And as they both lost consciousness their minds swirled around each other sharing and merging in a way their bodies could only ever dream.

--

TBC


	10. Waking Moments

--

John woke slowly, the faint sunlight dancing over his eyelids tempting him to wake. For several minutes his mind drifted peacefully, in that blissful place of waking in which you are fresh and new upon the Earth and have no memory of what has happened and what is expected of you for the coming day. Of course John Sheppard rarely woke on Earth anymore, sometimes not even on a planet, but he guessed the principle was the same. So he looked up now completely relaxed and blank at the tiny little window set high up in the log cabin wall above him.

He felt good, very good. He knew this was significant somehow. He blinked up at the tiny window and took in the delicate wood smoke in the air. His mind gradually began to clear enough for him to remember he was on New Athos, and the little log cabin he and Teyla had taken shelter in. Teyla!

John froze, tension clamping his body dead still as he remembered what had happened last night. How he had behaved. The memories were vivid, yet clouded by the lust and desperate need that had driven him. Those feelings seemed very distant now and he realised how clear his mind was. The reaction's affects had gone. He felt calm, even peaceful. He allowed that sensation to return to his body, driving the tension away once again. His body felt very good. Now as he took stock of himself he became aware of the blanket bunched around his waist, and that his left arm was half numb where it was wrapped under and around Teyla. He vaguely remembered falling bonelessly from the table, holding her to him as they fell onto his bed. He had fallen asleep almost immediately, his last memory of the blanket being pressed over him. Now she was lying alongside him, her back tucked up against left side, and what felt like her very naked buttocks pressed up against the side of his hip.

More memories flooded into place, he remembered the strange sensation of sharing thoughts and memories with Teyla; sharing and merging in a way that all felt so very abstract and beyond anything he could even conceive of now in the harsh light of day. He couldn't remember all of what he had experienced, like it had occurred in a place that he could no longer access or understand.

Yet, he remembered some of what he had seen and felt of Teyla's life; flashes of growing up on Athos; of baking harvest cakes with her mother. Then of the culling that took her mother and how empty and alone she had felt. He had remembered and shared with her when his own mother had died and how the massive Sheppard family home had become a cold and painful place without his own beautiful mother.

He remembered Teyla's older brother, whom she had never mentioned before. He had been much older than her and full of wild energy and anger. He and a gang of other dissatisfied Athosians had decided one day to take the fight to the Wraith and had headed off towards the Old City, never to return again. And so the family tent had been left even more quiet and empty with only her and her father remaining. Charin had begun to spend more time with them, and John felt a sudden burst of sadness at the old lady's death. He had barely known her when she was alive, but now he understood intimately how important she had been to Teyla and he felt her loss more deeply now.

Teyla's life had begun to change after that as her father began to teach her how to be a leader. John's father had done something similar after John's mother had died. He had begun to train up his sons to take over the family business, presumably hoping to create a sense of security and stability in their mother's absence. But, John had rebelled against the strict control. Whereas Teyla's father had been strong yes, but kind and understanding. But, soon the day came when he too was taken by the Wraith and that had left Teyla all alone in that family tent. John had seen that she had never really gotten over that loss, and had lived most of her life feeling very much alone. John had felt something very similar in his life, but in his case he had forced that isolation. Teyla had been somewhat an outsider due to her Gift, but Kanaan had at least been someone who understood.

John in return had shared his life and memories with her; his childhood, his school days and training in the Air force and even the circumstances of his court martial. He had never really told anyone how that experience had angered him and cut his spirit deeply, but in that merging with her, she had felt it all, seen it all and understood and agreed with what he had done. It felt nice to have someone so solely on his side for once.

Then the memory of their first meeting and it had been a bizarre experience to see that same event through her eyes. He not only remembered his own thoughts and what he had said, but then how she had heard his words and what she had thought. He had been humbled by the respect she had had for him from that very first encounter, a respect that led to trust and friendship. Together they had shared their memories of their years on Atlantis, seeing each others' experiences and feeling what each other felt. Through all of that and more he understood how strong a woman Teyla really was and how deeply she felt things. If there had been any chance before that he had not been in love with her, he certainly was now.

Yet, out of all of that, that which he could remember now in the cold harsh reality of day, one fact tingled in his mind and kept him from leaping up and running from her for what had happened last night. That was the sharp and clear fact that she felt as strongly for him as he did for her. He had been shocked to feel her admiration, her attraction to him and the powerful feelings of jealousy she had felt every time he had encountered a new woman in his life. But, like him, it had been that separation for several months when they had had to abandon Atlantis that had truly affected her. She had realised how very deeply she had really cared for John, more than simple attraction or friendship and more than she could ever hope he would feel for her. Before she had been waiting for him to give her any kind of sign, but he never had. And when she had returned to New Athos with the prospect of never seeing him again, or if she did it may not be for a very long time, she had mourned his loss and had tried to set aside her hopes for him. Then Kanaan had been there and she had finally succumbed to the fact that she would never be with John Sheppard. But, he had returned and by then she had already become Kanaan's lover. She had considered ending that relationship, but as usual John had given no indication that he was interested in more. So, she had tried to pretend that she didn't feel more, had suppressed those feelings. Until now. Until he had experienced them along with her and arrived at the startling knowledge that Teyla not only wanted him in return, but that she loved him desperately.

John lay still trying to comprehend that Teyla loved him and just as importantly, that she now knew he loved her in return. As if this situation hadn't already been weird enough. He felt suddenly so very vulnerable and he worried what would happen now. It was all very well knowing all this intimate knowledge about her life and her feelings, but what the hell was he going to say to her?

She chose this moment to begin the wake up, stirring slightly beside him and he began to panic slightly. He searched in his mind to see if that connection between them was still there. He found it easier that ever before, like it had become more solid, more real, yet it too was calmer. He imagined a doorway between their minds and very gently made sure the door was closed tight. The last thing he needed was for her to be able to read all these thoughts going through his mind. He needed to regroup and think.

She sighed heavily beside him, her back pressing further against his side and then she too tensed suddenly. John turned his eyes and then his head till he could see her beside him and she slowly looked over her shoulder at him. John had no idea what to say and judging by her expression, neither did she.

"Morning." John said cautiously.

"Good morning." She said carefully in return. She still had his jacket on, though it was bunched up around her shoulders, and she began to pull it around herself more securely.

John worked very hard not to look down any further than her shoulders, though he could remember in sharp Technicolor details what the rest of her looked like. He caught himself before his mind and libido had a chance to wander into that potentially distracting territory.

She moved away from him, pulling the jacket around her middle as she turned back towards him slightly. She looked as worried and vulnerable as he felt and that seemed to help him relax somewhat. John reached down to the blanket at his waist and pulled it up slightly further so it covered both of their stomachs, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.

"So… you okay?" He asked. He knew he hadn't hurt her last night, having felt everything she felt, but he needed to ask, to hear her say it.

"I am fine." She smiled slightly back and he saw a slight red tint to her cheeks. Her eyes moved over his face then and down to his neck. "You seem better." She said.

John realised she meant his reaction and so he nodded in response. Her scrutiny implied that he looked better as well, so he lifted his free right up arm and saw that the blue areas had reduced almost back to their normal size. Amazed he looked down at his chest, turning to look at his ribs and saw that there too the blue had faded to normal. "Wow." was all he could say as he regarded his hands and arms once more.

"I guess it worked." She said carefully.

He looked over at her, feeling strange about the whole situation again. "Yeah." He replied.

"I am glad. And you are feeling…calmer?" She asked.

He nodded in reply and an awkward silence fell between them. This was crazy, they had not only shared their lives and minds with each other, but they had had the most mind-blowing, raw sexual experience that John had ever had. He began to blush at the memories of that and worked once again to suppress them for now, rather unsuccessfully.

Then he thought he heard something outside. He looked back towards the window, as if it would help to be looking towards the trees outside. "You hear that?" He listened intently and heard the sound of voices and not far away. Oh no. He snapped his head back round towards Teyla. "They must have sent out another rescue party this morning." His eyes dropped to the blanket barely covering the both of them, their semi nakedness obvious. "They'll kill me!"

All modesty and vulnerability gone, he threw the blanket away from him and scrambled to get up. In doing so he discovered his trousers and boxers were still around his thighs. How very classy of him, he thought in embarrassment. He stumbled as he pulled them up and buckled the belt in record time as he searched for his top. "Get dressed!" He said hurriedly at Teyla over his shoulder.

However, he heard a breathy laugh from her and turned back to the very sexy image of her looking up at him with a smile on her lips and in her eyes; her lower half outlined by the blanket and her top half wrapped in his jacket.

"John…" she began, her tone amused and tolerant at his panic.

John gestured towards the window, the sound of voices getting louder. "What if Kanaan is with them?"

He would have found it amusing had he not been so worried, when her amused expression dropped and her eyes snapped over to the window too. She then began to climb up from the bed, the blanket wrapped around her waist.

"Good." John said, happy she was finally on board with the plan. He scrabbled around on the floor and found his socks, boots and then her trousers with her underwear caught inside. Embarrassment renewed he cleared his throat as he held out the clothing for her. She approached and took the clothes from him, but he could see the light smile now on her lips and finally they shared a proper smile.

"Not now." John said hurriedly pulling his eyes from her. "Have you seen my top? Where did you throw my top?"

He looked back at her to see her thinking, her eyes moving to the table as she calculated where she had thrown his shirt. Images resurfaced in his mind of what exactly they had done on that table and he purposefully didn't look at the table top. "Over by the door, I think." She answered.

John found the top and was pulling it on when he heard someone calling his name from outside.

"I'll head them off outside, get dressed quick!" John said as he checked his appearance as best as he could and headed out the door, the sound of Teyla's laughter in his ears.

--

TBC


	11. New Beginnings

**Note:** Finally the last part. Sorry it took so long; life has been beyond busy!! I had to rewrite this several times, I hate writing the end to some fics! I am not really happy with it. It worked so much better in my head in 3D imagery and with surround sound, but hey, what can I do?!

--

"Hmmmmmm" Carson muttered to himself as he squinted down at John's bared arms once again. John watched the puzzled expression on the Doctor's face and tried not to find it amusing. Carson then looked up at John's neck and head, his eyes studying intently the areas of blue tinted skin, now very much back to normal. The studied gaze then dropped back down to the computer tablet. John peered down at the lines of confusing medical jargon and quickly gave up, his eyes immediately sliding back to the curtained area, behind which Teyla had been undergoing tests of her own to check her for concussion and such.

"I sent her off to her quarters to change and rest whilst you were in the scanner." Carson said, drawing John's attention back to the Doctor, and also to the fact that he had not been as subtle as he had hoped in looking around for her. So John simply nodded as casually as possible.

"According to these readings, Colonel, the reaction has completely ceased." Carson frowned once more at the tablet resting against his forearm. "In fact I can find no signs of the reaction. As I understand it you still had at least a further two or three days left of this reaction?"

John nodded, but said nothing yet.

"Not only that but I can not find _any_ signs of the reaction in your tests at all, which is strange in itself, as I would expect some residual chemicals to have remained in your blood for at least a couple of days even after the end of a reaction. But, these readings are completely normal. For you." He added with a slight smile. John gave him a studied bored expression in response to the jibe.

"How do you feel?" Carson continued seriously.

"Great." John replied honestly. "Feel like myself again."

Carson nodded as he put the tablet down beside John on the Infirmary bed. "So, I take it something happened on New Athos."

It wasn't a question, rather a statement that the doctor had managed to layer with a whole range of varying tones. John had no intention of sharing what had happened with Carson. Hell, John hadn't even had a second alone with Teyla to talk about what had happened since the Athosian rescue party had found them.

"Yes." John answered enigmatically, keeping his expression as neutral as he could and looked away. Without conscious thought his eyes fell back on the curtained area, but then he remembered she was no longer in the Infirmary. So he quickly looked back at the Doctor and found the man frowning at him intently. John could see the interest bubbling under the surface of his expression, but there was also a touch of sympathy to the man's gaze; he thought Teyla might have rejected John as they had discussed. John felt a massive burst of enjoyment at the fact that that couldn't have been further from the truth, but again he didn't want to share that with the Doctor right now.

"I don't really want to talk about it, Doc." John said.

"Okay." Carson replied, and he managed to hide his obvious disappointment quite well John thought. "I'd like to repeat these tests in two days and see if there has been any change. If not we will just have to wait till next month to see what happens then."

"Great." John answered as he hopped down off the bed. "Thanks, Doc." He smiled over his shoulder as he left the Infirmary as quickly as possible.

After a few minutes of walking through corridors, he realised he was heading towards Teyla's quarters. He stopped surprised at the way he had so instinctively headed towards her even though he was no longer feeling the affects of a reaction. He pondered for a moment whether he should interrupt her now. Carson had sent her to rest, and she had been through a lot over the past couple of days. Decision made he headed towards the 'Gate room. He needed to officially check in the Colonel Carter. Then he would go bring his stuff back from his temporary bedroom on the end of the pier. Hopefully by then she would have had enough time to rest. Not that he had a clue what to say to her yet.

--

Teyla woke with a start. She had lain down on her bed for only a moment feeling the need to rest for a moment but unwilling to sleep during the late morning, however here she was waking from a long heavy sleep. She sat up and looked over at the clock and saw she had been asleep for several hours.

She headed for the washroom and after a quick shower felt refreshed once again. The vague aches and pains she had felt earlier from her trip down the river and the steep climb up the hill, had all but gone. She felt so much better. However she still had not spoken to John, and there remained a slight flutter of nervousness about that approaching discussion. Well, she would face it head on.

She dressed quickly, but with more care than she usually took. She soon realised she was looking at her clothes with a new eye; would John like it? Catching herself thinking so unlike herself she immediately threw on the first outfit in her hand. However, she then changed her mind and pulled on another.

Finally she left her quarters and set about tracking down John Sheppard. After half an hour of searching she had still not found him. Frustration and the ever growing nervousness led her to his quarters once again, but he was still not there. She was almost at the point of asking him where he was publically over the radio, but then realised she had something so much more powerful and personal than a radio; their link to each other.

She took a moment to quieten her mind and then pictured the Athosian landscape that she found so comforting. She imagined the feel of the grass beneath her feet, the breeze on her face and the soft call of the bird circling high above. This time however, she imagined a doorway, like the one she now physically stood before; John's door. She pictured the texture and colour of the door, breathing life and meaning into the image and she stepped up to it in her mind and brushed her fingers against the door.

The response was immediate, his presence suddenly vibrant and warm in her mind. It lacked the intensity that she had felt from him whilst he was undergoing the reactions. Now, it was fainter and quieter, yet at the same time more solid and real; as if the link was less active, but more established than before. She reached out mentally to him, hoping he would understand her request to know where he was.

His pleasure at her contact was obvious and brought a flush of heat to her body, but she focused on the flash of an image she received from him. He was on a balcony at the far end of the pier. She remembered then he had been sleeping in a far room there during his reactions. She sent a response of thanks to him, again unclear as to what exactly he would feel and hear from her. The link dimmed, but she tried to keep the contact as she headed towards his temporary quarters that, she realised, with some great satisfaction, he would no longer be needing.

--

John turned from the ocean back into the large room, his eyes flickering over the pile of clothes and junk that he had heaped up to pack away. He set about tidying up as quickly as possible, suddenly nervous. He still wasn't sure how this fast approaching conversation with Teyla was gonna go, but that brief contact with her had renewed his faith in her affection for him. Her presence had slid into his mind gently and softly, a question without words, but he knew she was looking for him.

He set about clearing up the room, possibly for the last time he realised. He wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that and he stopped to consider the room around him. He had chosen it as it was at the furthest end of the pier, furthest from her, an observation room practically jutting out over the water. Now as he looked at the unusually large ancient windows set in the two side walls and the glass doors to the balcony, he realised he was going to miss this room. It was a strange thought, as up until now he had kind of thought of the place as his prison. However, as he studied the large bright room he finally noticed the beauty of the space. The large windows framed beautiful vistas of the city and the ocean, whilst the balcony looked over nothing but the endless waves of water. It all created a feeling of space, light and freedom. He guessed he had needed, even sought out, that feeling when he had been suffering through the reactions. He wasn't too sure if he would need to come back here next month, but hopefully not. The reactions may no longer occur, or they may be considerably reduced. Or, they may start as usual. The main factor would be whether Teyla would be there with him during the reaction. Would she want to be there with him?

Her presence was growing closer so he turned from the room back towards the balcony doors and sat down on the bed. On the last night he had slept here, after he had all but run Kanaan and Teyla out of the city, he had been hot and angry. He had dragged the bed over to the balcony doors and had finally slept with the cool ocean breeze surrounding him. The bed was still sat there, like an observation bench over looking the view over the balcony.

John was pushing the last of his clothes into the bag at his feet when her presence once again flared to life; seeking him out mentally as she was physically. He heard a door opening down the hallway, so he mentally opened the door to this room for her and after a couple of minutes he heard her step into the room. He looked over his shoulder towards her as she entered.

"Hey, Teyla." He greeted her.

"Hello, John." She smiled, causing his heart to skip slightly. So far, so good.

Teyla entered the room to the magical sight of the observation room, the light streaming in through the large windows and John sitting by glass doors to a large balcony. She stopped to take in the space. No wonder he had chosen to stay in this place. She walked over to the first window and looked out at the view of the City and the ocean crashing up against it.

"It is beautiful here." She said with feeling.

John held back the very sappy words forming on his tongue; that the room was so much more beautiful now for her being here. Instead he just nodded, and watched as she brushed her fingers across the window glass before heading towards the balcony, nearer him. He watched her move, allowing himself to actually admire her openly. He had refrained from doing so most of the time, especially this morning when they had been 'rescued' by the Athosian group, which had included both Kanaan and Halling. John had worked _very_ hard not to look at Teyla any differently, but had ended up pretty much looking at everything but her. Fortunately several of the younger Athosians who had witnessed his leap over the river the previous day had distracted them all with their never-ending questions. John had gone along with the discussion just so he didn't have to talk to Teyla and perhaps give away some clue to the other men as to what they had gotten up to the previous night. John had thought he had hidden it well, but Halling had definitely given him a knowing look before they left through the Stargate.

However, there was no one here but them. Alone at last. And he still wasn't sure what to say.

Teyla moved around the end of the bed and headed towards the balcony doors, which slid open unbidden, but then she realised John had activated them for her. She smiled over her shoulder at him as she stepped out onto the balcony. Below and beyond there was nothing but ocean. She took a long breath of the cool salt laden air and turned back to the room.

John was sat on the edge of a bed his bags were packed and lying at his feet, but he looked in no hurry to leave. The light poured into the room around him.

"You must be sorry to leave this space." She offered, as she stepped back into the room, the doors sliding closed behind her.

John shrugged. "I prefer sleeping in my quarters, but I will miss sparring in here with Ronon."

Teyla's eyes dropped immediately to the white marble-effect floor. It was a running joke in the city that you could tell when Ronon had been training in the gym by the drops of dried blood on the floor. Teyla obviously found much of that evidence here and looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Would you believe me if I said it was mostly his?" John tried, though it wasn't that far from the truth in fact. His new 'Bug Power' as Rodney had so irritatingly named it, plus his reaction grumpiness had all made him much more capable against the large Satedan. Then came the sudden thought; what would it be like sparring with Teyla now? He quickly led his thoughts away from that subject for now and focused on the woman approaching him.

Teyla wasn't sure why his cheeks coloured slightly, but she tried not to smile. She headed over to him finally, sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed, much closer than they would normally sit. His eyes dropped down to the small space between them on the bed and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow of interest and a glint in his eye.

"Did you speak to Doctor Beckett?" She asked.

"He can't find any evidence of the reaction in my system. He was pretty surprised and very curious as to what might have happened to me on New Athos."

Teyla looked down and away feeling heat to her own cheeks as flashes of last night replayed in her mind. She had never experienced a joining so powerful and all consuming before.

"I didn't tell him anything." John reassured her.

She looked back up at him with a smile. "I would be surprised if you had."

"Though you should know he probably thinks we talked and you turned me down."

"Really?" She asked with amusement and surprise, which made him feel even better about the situation.

"I think Halling knows something though, he gave me a very weird look before we left New Athos." John added. "Hopefully he won't say anything to Kanaan." That thought deflated him somewhat. Kanaan was not a subject he liked to think about.

Teyla sensed the change in his mood. "John, I honestly do not believe my people would look badly upon you, and they certainly would not 'kill you' as you thought this morning."

"I don't know. I don't think I'm all that popular there anyway, what with stealing you away to Atlantis four years ago."

"They do not blame you for that. And as for last night I made sure to pick up all of your jacket's buttons if that is what you are concerned about." She baited him.

He looked round, his eyes wide.

"I did not think it would be best for any of my people to find your buttons spread throughout the hut." She clarified.

"Spread throughout?" He said in disbelief, but his mood was lifting once again.

"I found them in most corners of the hut. I only hope I found them all." She teased.

He narrowed his eyes at her and leant closer. "Well, they were in my way." He said with feeling.

They shared an open smile, the air suddenly heavier around them as both remembered exactly what had happened last night. They lapsed into silence, both studying each other.

Teyla looked up at the handsome man before her, his presence so very warm, comforting and exciting beside her. She had been planning what she would say to him on her walk over here along the pier, but now all those practised words felt too pale compared to what she felt. So she said nothing, but saw that he needed to.

"Last night…" John began. "That wasn't how I would have hoped to start…I mean that we..." He trailed off. Any words he came up with didn't seem right. He knew what he really wanted to ask; did she want to be with him?

Teyla reached up and touched her fingertips to one side of his chin, drawing his attention away from his stumbling words and worries. He looked at her with both hope and caution in his eyes and she leant in towards him. He met her halfway; their lips touching for the first time.

The kiss was gentle and searching. John reached out, sliding one hand around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She shuffled closer along the edge of the bed, her thigh resting against his. Lips slid over one another, not moving deeper yet, the kiss soft and full of unspoken emotion. They parted eventually and rested their foreheads against one another.

"That was a long time coming." John whispered.

"Yes, it was." She said back softly.

"There are some things we need to talk about." He said. "They probably won't let us stay on the same team anymore and…"

"We should talk to Colonel Carter." She agreed. "Later."

John pulled back from her enough to see her eyes clearly. She reached up to touch his forehead, following the lines of blue down to his jaw.

"Could you…care for a smurf like me?" He asked in an amused tone, but she heard the vulnerability under it. She smiled, remembering who and what the smurfs were from his childhood memories.

"No, but I can _love_ you just as you are." She said softly.

His eyes widened at the words, so amazing to actually hear them spoken out loud and to him. He blinked down at her and worked to remind himself that this was not another dream. This time she was really here with him. So often had he dreamt of her coming to him in this room and now she was really here. She was really here, warm and so close, looking up at him with desire in her eyes. He reached out and trailed his fingers down the side of her throat, then down and across her collar bone, tracing the line of her body under the fabric of her top.

His touch was soft and exploratory, so different to last night. Then he had been in such a hurry to satisfy and join. Now, he touched her almost reverently. She sighed at the tingling over her skin as his fingertips trailed back up her throat. His eyes followed the line of his touch and she watched him; watched the darkening of his eyes and the parting of his lips. She looked down at his strong forearm against her and began trailing her fingers across his arm. Her caress slid over his sun touched skin, across the subtle blue lines and back to his own original skin colour.

His caress reached her chin and as he rubbed his thumb over her lower lip, she leant back in towards him, sliding her own hands up and over his shoulders, pulling him towards her. He came to her very willingly and this time the kiss was instantly heated and deep. She pulled him, as he pushed her, down onto the bed and this time they took their time, enjoying one another completely and both certain in the knowledge that this was right.

As they lay spooned up together on the bed afterwards they watched the setting sun through the glass balcony doors. John pulled a tendril of hair away from the back of her neck and pressed his lips to her skin and then whispered his love to her as the sunlight vanished into a new night.

--

THE END


End file.
